Moving down the evolutionary ladder

I can sympathize with Akaky .

As ever, the Truth Laid Bear system has me a bit bamboozled. Only yesterday I was a flappy bird, happily ensconced between the 6,600's and the 6,900's, and content with my lot. Today I learn that I am a slithering reptile again, which I can live with if I have to, I suppose, but the Bear now says that I am now listed at 10,000 or so and the graph with my links has fallen faster than a drunk on a bobsled run. I concede that I may have fallen greatly in the estimation of my fellow bloggers....

I, too, was once a bird and am now a rodent again. My glory days were when I posted about blogging naked. This just goes to show how bloggers are alive to important issues. Like Natalee Holloway.

Promoting John Roberts, whether he's gay or not

Apparently not satisfied with mere rumors of gayness, the The Human Rights Campaign, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, National Center for Lesbian Rights, and Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays announced their oppositionto Roberts' nomination on Thursday.

Judge Roberts history of plaid wearing, gourmet cooking, single living, children adopting, spotless housing and assisting his firm's gay right activities notwithstanding, these gay groups have shown they have no sense of humor.

They call themselves gay, but they make us very sad.

I did not make this website up.

Natalee Holloway and Darfur

MSM Refuses to Take Genocide in Darfur Ad

Think Progress has the news that NBC, CBS, and ABC affiliates are refusing to run Be a Witness ads covering the genocide that is going on in Darfur. They haven't covered any of the news during the year except for token sound-bites because apparently Natalee Holloway takes precedence.

Turns out that for every 100,000 dead in Sudan, the issue gets 1 minute of press. To add insult to injury they won't let people even pay them to cover it.

The French are voting with their feet

FRANCE is facing an unprecedented new-generation exodus as many of its disillusioned younger people leave in search of a better life abroad.

French organisations offering help to those seeking to emigrate have reported an increase in requests for assistance from young people.

Fed up with a country they describe as rigid, racist and old-fashioned, French youngsters are opting for a new start in Britain, Canada, America or New Zealand where they can find housing and jobs more easily than in France.

Unemployment among the under-25s in France stands at 23.3 per cent, and 40 per cent of 18-30 year-olds describe their financial state as "difficult".

Many cite French employment practices as being at the root of the problem. (NSS) No, S, Sherlock)

Or would "quelle suprise" be more appropriate?

Yes, Virginia, there is a website devoted to gaiters

Another item on clerical dress for those of our readers (both of you) who find such information riveting, as I do, being a fan of P G Wodehouse and Anthony Trollope.

Actually, it's an amusing site. Anglicans can be funny, too.

Apparently, the Natalee story is still hot

I posted a couple of mild criticisms of the press's obsession with Natalee on on the blogcritics*
site. Boy, oh boy, did I get comments. These can be classified into two groups: those who think anyone criticizing the press is being hateful about a young girl, and those who think the press is way out of line. Here's one of the latter:

Aruba, Summer 2005. A nation held hostage. By CNN and Fox.

I couldn’t find Natalee anywhere I looked. In fairness, I only looked in the bar, but she wasn’t there. She isn't at the pool, either. She is, however, on every American news channel the satellites could beam down to Earth. The stations trumpet every increase in reward money, as though terrorists are holding Natalee until the reward reaches just the right amount. (“When it gets to two million, Ahmed, sell!”)

You can't avoid talk about her, of course. It’s just that - it's only the Americans talking. The Arubans aren't avoiding the issue. I asked a few women working at the resort what they thought. Nearly all shook their heads as if to say “my three daughters are stuck in a Colombian whorehouse back home and I’m earning a dollar an hour to buy their freedom. You think I give a shit?”

The Arubans are sensitive to the story. They are sorry for the family. They are embarassed by the negative attention the Aruba police has been getting. And they can’t for the life of them understand why their island is being portrayed as if Dr. Moreau were in charge.

A FORWARD-THINKING BACKWARDS PAPER

There is a cute local newspaper in Aruba called “Aruba Today.”
[]

“Aruba Today” ...[is] given out for free at the hotel - on the days it arrives, anyway. It is every inch a teeny tourist rag; it is full of articles like “Harry and Jessica Wed on Eagle Beach” and “Marriott introduces new sous chef.” You could publish a better-looking paper with a 1990-vintage Mac Classic and Aldus PageMaker. The newspaper is barely a newspaper.

One other thing that separates it from our media? “Aruba Today” is showing perspective and restraint on the Natalee Holloway story.

BLOWING A STORY INTO PROPORTION

My first reaction after reading a couple of days worth of Aruba news was that the island was trying to cover up the obviously important Natalee story. I mean - don’t they see the posters? Don’t they see the tons of American journalists outside the Aruban Parliament Building? (It’s next to the mall and the Renaissance Hotel with the roof pool and private island. No self-respecting journalist could possibly miss it.)

But no. This was more insidious. The Aruban journalists (and I am not sure if using the plural of that word is, in fact, accurate) are daring to cover the Natalee story exactly as it should be covered: a tragic but minor event in an otherwise remarkably safe, polite, affordable nation of happy people and Dutch cigarettes.

[]
One day, “Aruba Today” dared to lead with the London bombings investigation over the Natalee story.

Savages.
CUTE WHITE GIRLS: A SWEEPS DREAM STORY

God, Nancy Grace really can’t shut up about Natalee. Nancy Grace can’t shut up normally, but on this story she REALLY can’t shut up. She is the answer to the question “What does terminal verbal diarrhea sound like?” And of course, everyone’s favorite career Dad-In-Mourning, John Walsh, is trying to add something “new” to the two-month-and-holy-shit-they’re-still-counting days of coverage.

And we get lots of “new details” here. “CNN Larry King Live” just informed me that there are “still many more questions than answers.” One reporter told me she saw a helicopter go “up and down several times.” Really? A helicopter went up and down?

I was told the “massive search” of the island “goes on around the clock” with “helicopters lighting the way.” I’m glad they told me, too. I haven’t seen any of that. I did see a cop car, but it turned out to be the one behind me as I was making an illegal left while trying to hide my Balashi beer.

One night on the tube, Dr. Henry Lee, he of OJ trial fame, said “they are running out of leads.” I don’t know if he was talking about the investigation -- or the news.

I can’t blame the Holloway and Twitty families, some of whom remain here. If it were my daughter, I would turn the island upside down. .... I would scream and shout every night the television news people would train a camera on me. I would try to keep the story in the limelight as long as possible, if it meant an entire island’s police force would spend an extra minute looking for my kid. I would increase the reward by a hundred grand every day it would buy me another second of TV time. I would. I would. I would.

But if I were a news director, I wouldn’t listen.

If Natalee is dead it is a terrible loss for her family. Terrible. I can’t imagine life going on after the death of a child. But Natalee’s death is not a tragic loss for our country. It is not worth damaging the Aruban economy over. It is not worth some bumpkin Alabama politician’s grandstanding bullshit that everyone in his state should boycott Aruba until “they do something about Natalee.”
... Natalee is getting international - international! - coverage for one reason: she’s a Cute White Girl. American news loves a cute, virginal blonde in distress....

Nancy Kerrigan was a CWG who only had to be hit on the knee to merit round-the-clock coverage. Denise Brown Simpson? Well, a formerly cute WG, anyway. Take a twofer like Laci Peterson and you’ve got a jackpot; first she was a Missing CWG, then she was a Dead CWG. The tragedy of Missing-And-Presumed-Dead-Only-To-Be-Found-With-Religious-Wackos CWG Elizabeth Smart is that the hype of her disappearance and miraculous recovery is giving false hope to a lot of people.

CONTEXT? WHAT CONTEXT?

On November 1, 1994, I was at a crash scene in Cozumel, Mexico. A helicopter carrying American tourists from a nearby ruins site suddenly went into the drink. 12 people, all Americans, died. []

It wasn’t the only time a tourist chopper took a sudden dive. A few months later, ABC News ran a story on helicopter crashes in Hawaii, Mexico and other tourist locations. People were going on honeymoons and dying because of bad maintenance records, ill-trained pilots and dirty motor oil. And these trips were still being booked.

In Cozumel that day we had an actual tragedy, and it exposed an actual danger facing actual people. Helicopter crashes were killing Americans just out for a good view. This had to be told. CNN had the item on the news late that night. It was a copy story. The dead made a critical error: they weren’t six CWGs.

Journalists, good ones anyway, are supposed to do more than report facts. (And thank me for not putting “facts” in quotes. The Natalee story seems full of “facts.”) We are supposed to put stories into proper context. We are supposed to use stories of individuals to tell a larger tale. We are supposed to examine a story, hold a critical light to it, and see how much coverage it merits, if any at all.

So far, only “Aruba Today” seems to understand that.

by Steve Safran

*In case anyone is interested, I posted the first comment August 2--69 comments so far; the second got 42. Every day, more e-mail! It drew more comments than Diet Coke with Splenda!

Catch-all

Fired.

Fat.

fisked.

Too many orfreys?

P. G. Wodehouse somewhere mentions a Bishop who has too many orfreys on his chasuble. During the course of wasting my valuable time, I discovered a chasuble site. Wow!

Now what's an orfrey?

A band of elaborate embroidery decorating the front of certain ecclesiastical vestments. American Heritage Dictionary , also spelled orphrey.

Another illusion shot to hell

I always thought Amish women whipped up their own outfits on a treadle sewing machine. Apparently not. Apparently they, too, order their clothes over the Internet.

Sigh! I guess it's not just Gap jeans any more.

An example of tolerance from the left

A marine is surprised:
I guess someone wants me dead simply for having a different opinion. It was my belief that the left was supposed to be tolerant of all views.

From Anonymous:
Cindy Sheehan is obviously a good woman who is morning and you are obviously a brain washed redneck if you have the nerve to say that she takes away her sons honor. It's pieces of trash like you who fuck things up for good people and who put liars like George in office. You are worthless and I hope that you die while in Iraq since you feel so strongly.

WOW. Such hate and intolerance this person has. I actually feel sorry for him/her. In this persons world, feeling strongly is punishable by death.
Semper Fi

I'm moving, I'm not moving; I'm moving, not...

Our move to Delaware is a cliffhanger. Maybe, maybe not.

This puts me into a rather odd position. People keep taking me to lunch, saying their last tearful goodbyes, only to encounter me in the Pathmark the next week. I sense they're getting irritated: "Stand not upon the order of your going, but leave at once!"

It sounds something like the person who is at death's door, but hasn't found the key yet. There he lies, quietly breathing, not saying much, while the would-be survivors wonder what to wear to the funeral (Will it be too hot for my dark suit?), whether he will be buried on the very day of the theater tickets, the big ball game, etc., when can I start dating again? etc. Touchy.

If I don't go, I have an awful number of lunches to return.

Socks and other problems

Do you replace your socks in the baggie?

Bomb discovered.

Real live blogger discovered in Delaware. If I live long enough, there will be two of us (at least).

Hitler beats Blair in leadership poll

No comment.

Long lost letter from John Roberts unearthed

I was cleaning out some stuff left behind by previous inhabitants of this house and I discovered this letter:

Dear Aunt Mary:

Hi!

I am at Camp Whitewasp. It is in the Poconos. I am haveing fun, I guess.

We went canoing and swimming.

The wether is lousy. The food is lousy. When my counseler asked me how the food was, I said it was lousy and there was not enough of it. He did not know it was a joke, Aunt Mary. When he grows up, he wants to be a US Senator.

Well, that's about it. How are you and Uncle George?

Love,
Johnny

The envelope indicates it was sent by a certain Johnny Roberts in 1964. I am immediately turning it over to the Senate Judiciary Committee, to assist them in their deliberations.

Pretty sinister, eh?

Nightstand news

I'm so impressed when bloggers post about What's on My Nightstand: a history of the Peleponnesian War; Sowell's latest; a technical book about nanotechnology, a little volume of verse in the original Macedonian.

My nightstand is so embarassed. If this house were shaken lightly by an earthquake, everything jolted loose would be on my nightstand--oh, wait, it already is.

My nightstand contains, and I'm not kidding, night cream, day cream, wrinkle cream, fade cream (lightens skin), sunless tanning cream (darkens skin); moisturizer that tightens skin, moisturizer than makes skin luminous. In the balm department, we have foot balm and lip balm.

Also, a pill bottle, a prescription that should be filled, the cable bill, and a letter from my Aunt Lil that I've been meaning to answer. A small French phrase book. (I'm not currently in France).

Oh, and a box of tissues. Dental floss, dental floss threaders, battery operated flosser (needs batteries, which I'll get to right after I answer that letter).

What, no books? And me an intellectual, an upholder of literature, a bearer of the torch of enlightenment!

There's no room for books. They are all over the floor.

Support jailed Iranian human rights advocate

Jailed Women's Rights Activist Needs Your Help

Dr. Roya Toloui, a champion of the rights of Iran's Kurdish minority and of women was detained from her home in Sanandaj on August 2. She is reported to be facing charges of "disturbing the peace" and "acting against national security." Human Rights First is calling for her immediate and unconditional release from detention.
Toloui's detention is consistent with a pattern of harassment and persecution that she and other human rights activists in Iran's Kurdish region have suffered in recent months in reprisal for their legitimate, peaceful activities in support of basic rights and freedoms.

There has been mounting unrest in Iran's Kurdish region since the presidential elections in late June, which saw the election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a candidate closely identified with Iran's ruling clerical establishment. President Ahmadinejad is viewed as hostile to Kurdish aspirations for greater equality and respect for their distinct cultural and religious traditions. Roya Toloui is an outspoken critic of the policies of the Islamic Republic and its negative impact on the rights of women and religious and ethnic minorities. She and other human rights activists in Kordestan and West Azerbaijan provinces have been vocal in protesting a wave of repression unleashed on the region in recent weeks that has resulted in more than twenty deaths and hundreds of arrests of protesters. Regional magazines that reported on the unrest have been closed by the authorities, but information about continuing disturbances in the region continues to reach the outside world.

At this time of tension in Iran the role of independent human rights monitors is vital. Don't let the Iranian government commit human rights violations behind a cloak of secrecy. Please join Human Rights First in calling for the immediate release of Dr. Toloui and her colleagues.

The real reason for the high cost of oil

Dayna Shields reports that the current oil crunch is due to our failure to check our oil levels:
The problem is purely geographical. The oil is in Alaska, California and Texas, while our dipsticks are located in Washington.

(Found in The Oklahoma Observer, 10 August, which for some reason just got here today.

)

An old lady with balls

Nebraska's governor doesn't know beans about Cuba

Nat Hentoff and Ray Bradbury discuss Cuba:

Meanwhile, Nebraska Gov. David Heineman conducted a trade mission to Havana in August that, as the Aug. 10 New York Sun reported, "is to negotiate the purchase of Nebraska-grown dry beans — one of the state's largest exports — by the Cuban government."

Republican members of Congress Lincoln Diaz-Balart, Mario Diaz-Balart and Ileana Ros-Lehtinen wrote Gov. Heineman, telling him his mission would be "sending the appalling signal that the cash of tyrants is more important than the lives of pro-democracy leaders." These members of Congress asked the governor to at least meet with leaders of the pro-democracy movement, as well as some of the political prisoners.

Heineman's spokesman Aaron Sanderford told Meghan Clyne of The New York Sun — one of the few American newspapers keeping tabs on the story of this heroic resistance to Castro — that the governor would not meet with any dissidents, and would "certainly not engage in the politics of the day."

Replied Lincoln Diaz-Balart: "It's like saying politics is not part of a trip to Hitler's Germany in the 1930s. It's not a question of politics — it's a question of elemental human decency."

Read the whole thing. HT to Tim Blair.

Lileks critiques tv news

Want to know why no-one watches the network news? Lileks knows:

I heard today via HH that CBS is seeking to retool its evening news by going hard and fast up front, followed by a “60 Minutes” type piece, concluding with something funny. This is news? That’s been the standard format for as long as I can remember. “Our top story tonight: a nuclear bomb has gone off in Moscow. After a commercial break, domestic news: “Something looms or threatens in some city most of our CBS news staff has never visited, except for the intern, who grew up in its suburbs but was of little help. Here’s a report from our national correspondent, complete with tone-deaf references to local clichés.” At the end of the show, a reminder that they will continue to follow the nuclear devastation of Moscow tomorrow, and in conclusion, a heartwarming story about a little girl who brought her pony back to life by mouth-to-mouth resuscitation....

Johnny Virgil goes to the races, horse races that is; doesn't like it.

There was some "management outing" today. Don't worry, it's not what it sounds like. Nobody was forced to admit their gayness in a closed board meeting or anything. It just happens to be what we call our "forced fun" activities.

Basically, it's when a bunch of managers and some of their chosen department members go "off-site" to someplace "fun" and blow off a little steam. Maybe they drink a little, maybe they gamble a little, and, if things work out the way they're supposed to, bond a little.

It's really just a chance for people who usually only talk on the phone to actually meet in person, and for upper management to hobknob a bit with the common folk.

All team-building, co-worker bonding aside, they usually suck, and I usually hate them. Let me tell you why.

Here's a little hypothetical brainteaser for you: You have ten people. 5 people are active and athletic, and 5 people are sedentary and overweight. Now -- try to think up something for this group to do that allows everyone to be happy....


Well, it turns out that one of the things that apparently appeals to a majority of people who aren't me is: "A Day at the Track."

Up in my neck of the woods, this means horses, jockeys and a big dirt oval. I live near Saratoga, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand the fascination with this whole process. Maybe you need to be a gambler to appreciate it. I am not.

I went on one of these trips last year. It was really the first time I had ever gone to a live thoroughbred race. I had no idea what to expect. I had flipped past horseracing on the television before, but never really stopped long enough to figure out what it was all about. So this was my first experience being at an honest to god Betting Establishment....


Needless to say, I learned a few thing my first time out. I will list them for your reading pleasure.

1. The horses only go around the track once.

Once. That's it.

Race. Over.

Seriously, what the fuck? I was all primed for some Nascar-like action. I am not a big Nascar fan, but at least if there's an accident you might actually see something exciting. Once around the track? That's incredibly lame.

I wanted to see those big bastards run until there was only a single horse left standing. I wanted mid-air collisions! Excitement! Edge-of-my-seat suspense!...

But no.

Once around and back to the ticket window.

Goddammit, I'm glad there was beer.

2. You have to know what you are doing at the window, or people behind you will get pissed.

There is an entire list of codewords you have to know in order to just place a bet. There's crap I won't even get into here, but suffice to say that unless you want the bald fat guy with the cigar behind the ticket to (a) sigh, (b) mutter something that sounds a lot like "jesuschristonafuckingpopsiclestick" and then (c) wave you away with a motion that looks like he's fanning a fart, you had better find someone who knows what the fuck they are doing to prep you.

Better yet, just hand this same someone your money and say "bet this on the blue guy"* which is pretty much what I ended up doing until my money ran out.

3. Don't listen to the guy in your group who thinks you should bet all your money on something called a "long shot."

Do you know why? Because -- and remember this, it's important -- "long shot" is actually fancy horse language for "half-dead-loser-piece-of-shit-glue-factory-reject."

I bet on one of these "long-shot" horses, and he was so far behind the other horses that the camera on the jumbo screen couldn't even keep him in the frame. I'm serious.....

The "highlight" of our day was that we got to have our picture taken with the Jockey who won against the crippled-ass donkey I bet on.

4. Horses stink up close.

Not-so-coincidentally, they stink like horseshit.

5. Jockeys also stink up close.

The only difference here is that they smell like sweaty horseshit with aromatic undercurrents of Old Spice.

6. Invariably, there will be someone who is never you, who knows even less about horse racing than you do, who will win big on something with a name you never heard of.

There's something called a Trifecta, for instance. Just so you know, this is not a device that the landing parties on Star Trek use to scan for life signs on hostile planets.

No, the Trifecta is the name for the phenomenally impossible task of picking first place, second place and third place, in the exact order they come in. My odds of ever winning this are roughly the same as my odds of knowing how to actually bet on it.

That's all I have for you. I will however, leave you with one last piece of free advice:

If you ever get a hankering to host a "management outing" -- you might want to see if you can actually scare up a gay guy. It will probably be way more entertaining, it'll certainly cost you a whole helluva lot less, and you won't have to take a shower when you get home just to get the horse-stink off you.

Unless you're just doing it really, really wrong.

*Note: This is not an effective betting strategy.

A marine and his wife write to friends and relatives:

I'm aware that this will be a difficult 6-7 months (I should return in March), for many of you. My suggestion, through experience, is for you not to believe everything you see on TV or read in the newspaper. Talking to my friends and fellow Marines over there right now tell me the same thing. Obviously, I will be gone during the holidays. This is bitter sweet because I would much rather deal with missing a few holidays than to have to deal with the extreme heat during Iraq's summer months. Dry heat or no dry heat, a 130 degrees is 130 degrees.
Being a Marine and serving in a war time Marine Corps is what I do, and I do it by choice. I am aware of the reality and dangers of my job. I volunteered to be a Marine and I volunteered to join a combat unit, as I knew they would be going back to Iraq. I realize that everyone has a difference of opinion, therefore I request that my name and/or my service not be used to speak out against this war. This is my choice and I know the risks I take. I support your right to say what you feel but please do not use my name, our relationship or my service to do so....

[]

Love, Warriorjason


The next portion is from Warriorswife. I've replaced the names with our blog names but the majority of everything else is unchanged.

Hi All, hope you're doing well....
So, where do I start. Well , my motto is making a positve out of a negative, so here I go. This deployment to Iraq is going to be very different for Jason........and all of us.
Reason #1 - We'll all have pretty good (direct) contact with WarriorJason via email or telephone, rather than snail mail like the last time. And let's face it, although I know you all LOVE to hear from ME, hearing from WarriorJason himself is so much better :-).
Reason #2 - Jason was very well trained the first time he was in Iraq and now he is with a very good unit that is highly trained and very well skilled in the specific job that they do. Combine that with his prior experience and we've got one very well prepared and "in-tune" Marine, brother, son, uncle, friend and husband (& one day DAD....he he).
Reason #3 - (Though it's not as different as the first time)....He is in God's hands. Yes, I said God. I'm not a very religous person, but I do consider myself a pretty spiritual one. Just as God watched over WarriorJason the first time, I have no doubt He will keep him safe and well the second time. This gives me much comfort and I hope it does the same for you.

Please know that you can call me any time you like if you have any questions or just need to talk. Just keep in mind that I will return the favor and will be calling you as well!
Love you all,
Warriorswife

This is a portion of what Warriorwife and I sent out.

Semper Fi

How about a penis implant?

Rachel gives her opinion of spammers:

Neo-neocon clicks on a spambot site and finds herself strangely moved by bloggers who are actually grateful said spambot visited their site.

I'm not. And I'm not interesting in online gambling, thank you very much. I'd just as soon flush my hard earned cash down the toilet. For whatever reason, I've been deluged by comment spam the past couple of days. This after a lull, following an invasion of trackback spammers. This after a lull, following an invasion of trackback spammers. For the record: I don't need any viagra either.

.

Russ Feingold loses tin hat

Those radio waves from Mars give him a bad headache.

Vicious George takes a vacation

I've been reading lots of smears and putdowns about George W taking a five week vacation. This leads me to a stroll down Memory Lane, since I go back a ways. As I recall, there was sniping aplenty when Harry Truman went to Key West--especially when he wore a lurid Hawaian shirt. In case you don't remember, Truman was the official bumbling idiot then. The press didn't think much of him. Only the voters liked him.

I also remember a lot of criticism about Eisenhower--not only did he play golf, wasting time when he should have been working, but he couldn't frame a coherent sentence. He was the official dunce-in-office at the time. I remember thinking, how dumb can this guy be, if he won World War II? The voters continued to ignore Ike's stupidity and re-elected him.

Reagan, that dope, was always chopping wood while the world was going to hell. According to the pundits, chopping wood was about as much cerebral activity he was capable of. Re-elected! What dumb voters!

I'm sure George W Bush did not take the phone off the hook when he got to Texas. I'm sure he gets briefing papers and meets with varioous officials, including foreign dignitaries, all the time.

Posted at Blogger News Network.

latest developments in the Natalee Holloway case

Again--there aren't any.

Meanwhile I can report that Ms. Holloway has an outstandingly good-looking family, all of whom have been interviewed ad nauseum every night on tv. Fox is alive with her sisters, her cousins, and her aunts. O'Reilly, Hannity and Colmes and Greta van Sustern feature a Holloway relative almost every day.

They are all angry. And upset. They want to get to the bottom of this. They hope the FBI can help. They hope the Dutch government can help.

When they are not interviewing someone, speculation is rife on Fox, CNN, and the others. They interview forensic experts. They talk to policemen and prosecutors. They talk. And talk.

A suggestion to break the impasse? Why don't we take up a collection and send Cindy Sheehan down to camp outside the doorstep of the head honcho of Aruba? Yeah, that might work.

A plea for action in Darfur

Activist begs for governmental action:

The people of Darfur, Sudan are waiting for the international community to listen. Are they being heard? While citizens of both the United States and abroad continue to rally and push for stronger action to stop the genocide in Darfur, effective international action remains to be taken.

Read the whole thing.

Imagine if women could drive in Saudi Arabia

They might cause even more accidents.

What happened on this very date 60 years ago?

Bookworm points out that something momentous happened on that date besides a sailor kissing a girl:

Do you think it was political correctness or sheer ignorance that led the AP to miss entirely that Sunday, August 14, 2005 is the 60th anniversity of V-J Day -- the day the most devastating war in modern history (in all history?) ended following the Japanese defeat? Considering the TLC this same journalistic institution lavished on the Hiroshoma bombing, I can't help but suspect that some squeamish headline writer just couldn't acknowledge that the pure joy animating this photo was because, after four bloody years, the war was over, and this sailor knew he wasn't going to die on the receiving end of a Japanese bullet.

A day like any other day at the library

Our happy little burg is home to a number of homes for the reality challenged, many of whom use this egregious mold pit when they are not busy annoying the clerks down at the local Dunkin Donuts. You haven’t really lived until you’ve tried to figure out just what it is some of these people are asking for, assuming they know themselves. One Saturday I did get one who did know what he wanted; he wanted the postal clerk-carrier test book, which is a perennial favorite around here. As we went looking for on the shelves for the thing, he insisted, in a very loud voice, no less, on telling me that he also needed books about mature sexual relations because he had sex on the brain and he needed help because Jesus was coming in 25,000 years and there was no telling when he would get sex before then. After locating the book, I brought him and the book up to the front desk, where I hoped to finally ditch him and his inane driveling. Alas, it was not to be. The clerk and the page, both proud daughters of Puerto Rico, took one look at this guy and I could see the curtain fall. Both of them speak excellent English, but when Mr. Sex-on-Brains arrived their mouths opened and then closed, their faces reassembling themselves into the mien I still call the No Habla look; not only did they all of a sudden not speak English, no one they knew spoke it either. In fact, they had never heard English spoken in their entire lives and had no intention of learning at any time this particular dimwit was in the building. It is very disconcerting, to say the least, that your friends will not take a loony off your hands when you really need them to, but I’ll get even someday; I’m just not sure how.

In our library it was the patrons who pretended not to speak English. One particular group of Korean high school students lost their English-speaking ability whenever anyone asked them to pipe down. At other times, they spoke perfect valley girl.

This year I am missing the Summer reading brouhaha. Whew! When presented with the Summer Reading List, the students immediately looked for the shortest book on the list, which was always out. 1984, the Pearl, and the Old Man and the Sea were extremely popular with the scholastically challenged. Particularly on the day before Labor Day, when school was about to start.

Don't say you haven't been warned

I hate green stuff

I have to agree with Sarah. Sometimes even the thought of that healthy green stuff makes me want to puke.

I want to put out a preemptive apology to all of those people who know me and will have to be around me for the next few weeks. If I am in a bad mood, it is because I am on a diet. It is completely self-inflicted, and it won't be your fault, but there is a distinct possibility I will act like it is your fault.

Here is why I am most angry. I went to the grocery store tonight, and here is a list of some of the items that I bought:

salad
fat free turkey
fat free chicken
salad
yogurt
celery
carrots
salad
absolutely no pop
Sna
ckwell's
oh and did I mention salad

Now here are my general feelings on every single thing on this list:
I would rather chew on tin foil.

Seriously look at that list. Stupid effing pointless horrible salad. Why don't I just eat a box of Kleenex since it tastes just as good and is just as satisfying. Plus I am only drinking water which definitely does not have cola in it nor does it fizz and kind of make your nose burn when you drink it too fast. What is fun about that. And don't get me started on yogurt. I don't like it. I don't understand it. I want it to go away...forever.

Why am I doing this if I hate it so much?

1. My doctor is like, "You're fat."
2. I was kind of half-assing it the past few weeks, but then I saw pictures of me from Put In Bay. I quickly created a noose out of some spare birthday ribbon I had, but the damn thing didn't hold so I decided to go this route.

I also notice that being on a diet makes me intensely, excruciatingly hungry.

I had a salad today at the diner which was really, really good. It had spinach, apples, nuts, bacon, and blue cheese. I ate it all, except the spinach.

Nasty, nasty nature

James Lileks discovers nature red in tooth and claw, as well as stingers.

OUCH: there’s something jabbing the back of my leg. I brush off an insect, make it a few more steps before the enormity of the pain becomes apparent. There’s nothing quite like a bee sting – the injection that keeps on giving. Am I allergic? Do I swell up and die, perhaps exploding at the end in a shower of hot angry meat? We’ll find out! Stay tuned! I hobble to the door,,, and examine the latest insult from Our Enemy, Nature. Nothing bad. But it stings. Duh: it’s a beesting. Hence the name. At least I know the bastard died in the process. Then again, he was successful in his mission, which I suppose means we are losing the war against bees.

I've heard so much maudlin piety about the environment that I'm getting quite hostile to nature. Let the natural world take care of itself, I say. It has been managing quite well for eons.

What should Airforcewife's son wear for Halloween?

Obviously she is giving this a lot of thought:

I would also have to admit that after considering a wet suit draped with seaweed (T. Kennedy) for my son's Halloween costume, we then considered naked with a thong on his head (too cold), and then the black ragged dress and hood (figured no one would get it).

We're still trying for the perfect idea, but we're leaning toward an Azkaban prisoner.

What a good mom! I admit that I shuddered as Halloween approached. I tried to avoid thinking about it until the very last minute. Then I would go out and buy one of those cheap costumes sold at Woolworth's (remember them?) My creative ideas began and ended with a sheet with two holes in it for eyes, and that was a stretch.

But AFW has a real problem here, and it's up to the blogosphere to come to her aid, being as she's such a good mom--and reads my blog. I will strike only people who link to me--or at least comment--now isn't that an incentive?, such as akaky,basil; mean old meany,and Matt, who likes this sort of thing. I'm only meme-ing guys, we women have been doing this for years.

Here's my idea, which I stole. Make a hole in a round piece of cardboard. Paste a paper tablecloth, plates and napkins on it, plus a cake and candles, and have him go as a birthday party. The child fits inside the hole. Maybe with straps over his shoulders to keep his costume in place.

Now the rest of you, everyone: come up with one fiendishly good idea for a Halloween costume so AFW can have a variety to choose from. We only live to help each other, right?

Dumb superstitions?

Be the Boy honors a family superstition:

Generally I'm not one for superstitions until someone puts a pair of shoes on the table.... On my father's side of my family shoes on a table are like comets to the ancient Romans, a sign of certain doom to come. This was instilled in me as a child when the mere contact of a shoe with the tablecloth was enough to make my great grandmother start praying in Italian and wake Uncle Tony from his nap. It seems odd that shoes would come anywhere near a tabletop but surprisingly it happened at least a few times a year. No one ever explained why this was bad luck, it just was understood that it was very bad.

This past Saturday Nora ... bought shoes and wanted to try them on again and ask what I thought. I told her they looked great and went back to watching TV when I see that she has left the shoes on the table. In my head I see my late great grandmother praying, my aunts gasping in horror and my father drinking a beer (this last one has no bearing on the shoes, just how I see him).

My grandmother had many superstitions, some of which I never knew about, so I am sure I am breaking them every day. Here are some I remember: Don't put a hat on the bed; if you sew something on a live person, said person must have a piece of thread between their teeth; don't open an umbrella in the house; don't walk under a ladder.

My cousin recently informed me that our grandma had one iron-clad superstition which she never shared with me: your slippers must be pointed out from the bed, not toward the bed. I know I'm crazy, but now I follow this religiously.

The world's thinnest books

NY Times hires new investigative reporter

I'm not going to say a thing about this

Except eeeuw!

Action toys for grown up boys

Three of everything

I'm preparing to move (the triumph of hope over experience) and trying to get rid of things. But I didn't realize I had so many duplicates.
Whenever I couldn't find something around the house, I ran out and bought another of whatever it was. Consequently I now have three hammers, a scissors in every room, three bottles of Elmer's Glue, and a pair of reading glasses in every room, plus one in my purse in case I forget to take them with me.

Only two staplers, but four toilet brushes. Also, two copies of Wuthering Heights, two copies of Pride and Prejudice, two Old Goriots, and three copies of Excellent Women by Barbara Pym. What's up with that? Well, I was never sure which books I actually owned and which belonged to the library. So I brought books home, figuring you never know when you'll need an extra copy of Excellent Women.

Also three copies of my own book, Distinguished African-American Aviators and Astronauts. Remember when that one topped the charts? The publisher actually gave me six. I gave three away to relatives who promised to read it, and got pissed off with other relatives who looked like they didn't really want to read it. I felt they weren't worthy.

Required reading

Christopher Hitchins poses a question:

How can so many people watch this as if they were spectators, handicapping and rating the successes and failures from some imagined position of neutrality? Do they suppose that a defeat in Iraq would be a defeat only for the Bush administration? The United States is awash in human rights groups, feminist organizations, ecological foundations, and committees for the rights of minorities. How come there is not a huge voluntary effort to help and to publicize the efforts to find the hundreds of thousands of "missing" Iraqis, to support Iraqi women's battle against fundamentalists, to assist in the recuperation of the marsh Arab wetlands, and to underwrite the struggle of the Kurds, the largest stateless people in the Middle East? Is Abu Ghraib really the only subject that interests our humanitarians?

I would have to say the answer is yes.

Town loses its time capsule

"We wanted to learn more about how a city with one of the highest numbers of Ph.D's per capita could lose
a time capsule," said Rachel Raney of San Francisco.

If you ever want to buy a house...

Read this blog and then go rent yourself a nice apartment.

And particularly don't buy a house in another state.

And don't put your house up for sale. I guarantee tht if you are putting a house up for sale, a nice house, a house with nothing wrong with it, it will immediately (when the deal is signed) start losing hubcaps, the fenders will fall off, and the motor will start making a really funny noise.

No wonder our ancestors lived in caves.

A great site

Try turning the pages.

Librarians of the US, unite!

I am always trolling for sites of librarians, past and present. Here are a few: Rachel, in Maryland; heretican librarian; Passing Parade, who is in upstate New York; and libraries for dummies.

Are there others out there? Maybe we could have a carnival of bitching librarians? Let me know.

Puzzling

Another blogging librarian!

I love to link to other librarians, especially when they reveal the kind of patrons we have to put up with:

Being a librarian, I'm having all new experiences with teachers that make me worry about the future of mankind.

By and large, the worst offenders with overdue materials are teachers. And how do we know they're teachers? Because they announce their profession like it entitles them to certain privileges and exemptions from everyday life. They will walk in the library and demand service, waving in my face a badge they wear around their neck which identifies them as employees of a local school.

Obnoxious Patron: Hello, I need all the books you have on every state in the U.S.

Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, I'm helping this patron right here. I'll be with you shortly.

Obnoxious Patron: Hmmpf! [She shifts her weight from leg to leg, rolling her eyes as I explain the Dewey location of an item the patron I've been helping is after.]

Me: Okay, thanks for waiting. You said something about needing books on states?

Obnoxious Patron: Yes! Every state. Every book you have on them all.

When I worked in the Children's Department, I dreaded teachers worst of all. They never return their books, for one thing. They give ridiculous assignments, for another.

One teacher gave each of his students the name of a person to look up at the library. Some were easy. Others we could not find, with our best effort. It turns out some of the names were fictitious. The teacher made them up!

A jewel in Newark, New Jersey

I'm always putting down New Jersey, so I have to say something nice about it sometimes, or people will ask, Why do you live there?

The Newark Museum is a gem. Go to their website (which is hideous) to see the wonders contained therein. It is the first place I take visiting out-of-towners, and they always enjoy it. Two really fine things: the Ballantine House, a real Victorian house attached to the Museum, which was owned by a rich brewer in Newark's glory days; and a Tibetan exhibit which will knock your eyes out, complete with an altar built to Tibetan specs and blessed by the Dalai Lama.

What brought that up, you ask? Well, I was reading the New York Times Arts Section about a new museum being planned by the Dia Foundation. This caught my eye:

After all, Dia has pulled off more improbable feats. Two years ago, when it opened a 31-acre outpost along the Hudson River in Beacon, N.Y., many in the museum world doubted that it would draw much of an audience. Today, that giant, sky-lighted museum, with 250,000 square feet of gallery space devoted to installations of works by artists who emerged in the 1960's and 70's, attracts almost 100,000 visitors a year, more than twice the number Dia ever drew in Chelsea.

I started to wonder: is 100,000 visitors a year good? How many visitors does the Newark Museum have? I know many people who made the trek to Beacon Dia, just to see the new building, and say they will never go there again.

Then there is MassMOCA, in North Adams, MA.* I went there once, and can only say, "Once a philosopher, twice a pervert."**

The Newark Museum is a wonderful museum. Can it help it that it's in Newark, New Jersey?

*Massachusetts Museum of Modern Art; I forget what the acronym stands for.

**Attributed to Voltaire. I think.

Dancing letters

The way people dress nowadays

Rachel at tinkerty tonk has some observations on why we all look like slobs.

I just assume that everyone is on their way to wash the car, or just finished washing the car.

Bummed out by high housing prices in the US?

Matthew in Lebanon suggests an alterative to your standard 3-bedroom 2-bath American house.

Dear Manners Maven:

Is it ever good manners to have a heated argument with a significant other on your cell phone while standing in a long line at the Korean fruit, vegetable and sushi store? Possibly breaking up, or at least making dire threats to do so?

Hopeless in New Jersey

Dear Hopeless:
Did you notice that lady with the full basket standing right behind you while you shared your innermost thoughts and feelings? That was me.

My advice is, have passionate discussions in the privacy of your home or car, or at least on a private patch of sidewalk. People have enough misery in their lives without having to share yours. The fruit and vegetable store is for fruit and vegetables (oh, yes, I forgot sushi).

Sincerely,

Manners Maven

Boy Scouts and their enemies

hedgehog has a lengthy post, with lots of links, about the Scouts and their jamboree, where President Bush is now appearing. It is well worth reading.

When I was writing about black astronauts and aviators, most of them had several things in common: one of those was membership in the Boy Scouts. It was an activity an African American boy could participate in, even as other activities were closed to them--for instance, public libraries, municipal swimming pools.

Not every African American boy went on to be an astronaut or aviator. But at least they had opportunities to be in a wholesome environment, learn to appreciate outdoor activities, and have good (in most cases) mentors.

Political correctness goes nuts

All over the world, people must be baffled by the obsession of British politicians - government and opposition alike - with the question of whether or not the police should be concentrating their searches on members of ethnic minorities....
Everybody with an ounce of common sense must see that the police are duty-bound to focus in particular on those who look most likely to be carrying bombs.... that inevitably means stopping and searching a disproportionate number of men and women of Asian or African appearance who are carrying packages or wearing suspiciously bulky clothing. In the overwhelming majority of cases, of course, the person stopped and searched will turn out to be entirely innocent.

But no sensible commuter, of Asian or African extraction, could possibly feel insulted by being singled out in this way. On the contrary, he should feel comforted by the thought that the police are not wasting their time on searching white grandmothers.... An innocent young Asian carrying a rucksack is quite as much at risk from the fanatics as everybody else, after all.

Yet Hazel Blears, the Home Office minister in charge of anti-terrorism measures, tied herself up in politically correct knots yesterday, as she tried to pretend that elderly whites were just as likely as young Asians or Somalis to be al-Qa'eda terrorists. Asked on the BBC's Today programme if she accepted "racial profiling" by the police, she recoiled from the idea as if ordinary common sense were a thought-crime.

People all over the US, meanwhile, are wondering why Mayor Bloomburg has ordered the police not to racially profile commuters on the New York city subways. No doubt the friends and relations of those killed in the next attack will be comforted that their governing bodies did not stoop to racism, the ultimate unforgivable sin, in an effort to protect their loved ones.

I think it's nice that the president exercises, I just don't want to watch him do it

How does he find the time? Well, he doesn't have to shine his shoes, drop off his clothes at the cleaners, wash the car, look for a parking spot, wait for a plane, listen to voice mail or canned music on the phone, or commute a long distance to work.

All he has to do is run the free world, conduct a war, and fight off the Democrats. He can plan how he will do these things while he rides his bike.

Another contemptible politician

I find the actions of your Lieutenant Governor [of Pennsylvania], uninvited but attending the funerals of deceased U.S. Marines, insensitive and naïve.

She has reached the epitome of insensitivity with her reported remarks, "Your government is opposed to this war" to grieving graveside relatives.

The contemptible Jimmy speaks his mind

This is a long post, with lots of links and comments. My title line is linked to it.Read the whole thing, if you have all day. In brief, it suggests that Jimmy Carter is within his rights to criticize Iraq, Gitmo, Laura Bush's hairstyle, or whatever. I don't dispute this.

But if he were a man of honor, he would keep his mouth shut and behave with dignity.

HT to Instapundit.

Now the IRA are good guys?

Tim Russo appears to believe it.

If they are good guys compared to the jihadists, Stalin was a good guy in comparison to Hitler. The IRA has made many, many promises, al of which they have broken when it suited them. They have been involved in the drug trade, bank robbery, assassination, and the murder of the innocent. They also helped train Al Queda (I'm not sure how you spell it, nor do I give a damn).

So they don't blow themselves up? Whoopee! They blow other people up.

You can't trust people who can't be trusted.

Just some stuff I dredged up

Political correctness has some 'splaining to do.

Helen Thomas gets bitten on the ass.

Is this news or what?

The always hilariousJohnny Virgil scrutinizes the personals.

The latest news on Natalee Holloway

There isn't any.

Yes, ponds are drained, witnesses are questioned, jailed, released; the FBI come and go; everyone who ever met the girl is interviewed. Sample interview:

Interviewer: You are the dog trainer who trained Natalee's German shepherd. What do you think happened to Natalee?

Dog trainer: First off, I want to say that I feel great sympathy for Natalee's family, including her dog, Monster.

I; Does your knowledge of Natalee give you any ideas as to what occurred?

Dt: Not really, but she did love her dog.

Jimmy Carter--the most contemptible ex-president

Former President Jimmy Carter... has once again gone on the record criticizing the Iraq War and Guantanamo Bay:

Carter also criticized the U.S.-led war in Iraq as "unnecessary and unjust."

"I think what's going on in Guantanamo Bay and other places is a disgrace to the U.S.A.," he told a news conference at the Baptist World Alliance's centenary conference in Birmingham, England. "I wouldn't say it's the cause of terrorism, but it has given impetus and excuses to potential terrorists to lash out at our country and justify their despicable acts."

Carter instead recommends the 'Nation in Crisis' strategy he employed so successfully during the Iranian hostage situation, and a revivial of the famous 'malaise' speech...

Virgin management

It's a perfectly legitimate question of economics: how to allocate your consumption of a finite non-durable good over an infinite period of time.

And Glen Whitman means "infinite," too:

If you were a Muslim, and you died and went to the Muslim heaven, how would you space out your enjoyment of the 72 virgins? Suppose that you actually find virginity desirable, and suppose that the virgins' maidenheads are not magically restored periodically. If the afterlife has infinite duration, then no matter how long you wait to deflower your 72nd virgin, you’ll still be looking at an infinitely long virgin-less future thereafter.

I could be wrong, but I would guess that after you deflowered them, you would get to play with them too. They wouldn't still be virgins, but probably they would still be hotties.

Problems with Islam

By far the majority of Muslims today live their lives without recourse to violence, for the Koran is like a pick-and-mix selection. If you want peace, you can find peaceable verses. If you want war, you can find bellicose verses. You can find verses which permit only defensive jihad, or you can find verses to justify offensive jihad.
By far the majority of Muslims today live their lives without recourse to violence, for the Koran is like a pick-and-mix selection. If you want peace, you can find peaceable verses. If you want war, you can find bellicose verses. You can find verses which permit only defensive jihad, or you can find verses to justify offensive jihad.

This has been obsessing me:

Charmaine Yoest has been responding to the canard that there are no iconic women. All night long, names of "iconic" women have been passing through my brain, leaving me no rest. A new list: Cecile Chaminade; Jeanette Rankin; Hildy Boggs; Bess Myerson; Dianne Feinstein; Mary Landrieu; Elizabeth Cady Stanton; Carrie Nation; Margaret Sanger; Kay Bailey Hutchinson.

A new meme: Think of ten women not already mentioned. I mean you, Rachel.
And you, Matt. Also Isabel.

Will the real estate boom go bust?

Grim forebodings.

Naked blogger--Part Deux

The air conditioner is broken, so I took off my clothes. Ahhhh!

Don't worry, I am not going to post any pictures. I don't want to ruin my image.

New crime--being naked while ugly

Credit to Tinkerty tonk.

Snobbish, anti-semitic, and anti-war

I can't find a link in the New York Observer for this site, but it starts on p. 1 of the July 25, 2005 edition and jumps to p. 15:

Titled The Polo Crashers, by Choire Sicha with Lizzy Ratner, the first paragraph notes:

Those few who find themselves in a position to knowledgeably discuss the attendees of the Bridgehampton Polo Club games often talk in code. New Money. No Money. The Real People don't come anymore.

The authors evade the code, and are quite frank. Who are the new money people? J-ws! The new money? People in real estate or who made their money themselves in commercial enterprises(read J-ws).

Embedded in this snobbish, snarky piece of cr-p are pious lamentations about the war in Iraq. They, of course, have nothing to do with the case, but demonstrate the authors' high-minded disdain for the Warmonger Bush and his vicious cronies.

No wonder it disappeared from the website! A half-witted attempt to capture the moral high ground combined with snide references to trashy people and a sense of nostalgia for the days when Christian people whose families had not worked for generations set the tone for this elegant event. Perfect!

Why am I not invited to write a book?

Why I’m Like This by Cynthia Kaplan

In the Acknowledgements we're told that Cynthia wants to thank Michael Murphy and Doris Cooper for inviting Cynthia to write this book. This is the second time in a week that I've heard of someone being invited to write a book. Gary Benchley, an unpaid contributor to the Morning News was also recently invited to write a book. Offering invitations to publish must be a mid-decade trend in the industry. And it puts me in two minds, which are:

1. Publishers must be really flush and wildly desperate to spend money if they are lobbing $3000 wads of cash to the likes of Gary and Cynthia, begging them to write books.

2. I’m way better than Cynthia (and Gary has already told his whole story on-line) so – YAY! I’m sure to be published instantly in this environment!

Seriously folks – most of the bloggers that I regularly read are far better writers than Cynthia. There are maybe three essays in her manic collection of grasshoppers playing glokenspiels in hell that are truly well-crafted and moving. The rest are spastically hammering tambourines and marimbas and leaping on sofas shouting, “I’m funny! I’m funny! I’m really, really funny!!!” and then doing handstands until their grasshopper panties show.

It says right on the cover that USA Today thought the book was hilarious and that Cynthia is the female David Sedaris. Note to self: Never buy a book USA Today hypes.

Criticising the lacrosse team

After raking John Roberts and family over the coals for dressing too fancy, Robin Givhan gets all priggish and proper over the appearance of the Northwestern University lacrosse team:

[S]omeone should have given notice to the flip-flop-wearing women of Northwestern University's lacrosse team, who visited the White House on July 12 for a meet-and-greet with the president: proper footwear required. Flip-flops, modeled after shoes meant to be worn into a public shower or on the beach, have no business anywhere in the vicinity of the president and his place of residence.)

I thought the girls looked nice, despite their footwear. They were all clean and spruced up, and all of their belly buttons were hidden. Nor did I detect a lot of piercing or tattoos. Nowadays, a skirt and shirt outfit with bare legs and sandals are perfectly appropriate on the young. Who wants to wear icky, disgusting, hot pantyhose in the Summer?

Make up your mind, Robin. Which are inappropriate, strawberry pink suits or flip flops?

A collection of weird facts

Information or urban myth, I don't know, but--

A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!

from the addict.

Those wacky cops!

Courtesy of Silent Running.

Do you have pH issues--down there?

So it's lunchtime on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and as I eat my burger, I'm thumbing through the Reader's Digest magazine that comes to my house every month .... A naked woman catches my eye.... The sign she's holding in front of her mid-section says "Is there a worse feeling than not feeling like yourself?"

I am intrigued, because I can instantly think of roughly two thousand three hundred things that would feel worse than not feeling like myself. A compound fracture of the tibia, being set on fire, a pitching machine firing baseballs at my exposed ass....I mean, really, I could go on forever. "Not feeling like myself" doesn't even make the top 1500.

So I start reading the fine print. ( I really have to stop reading the fine print. It's fine for a reason, and that reason is because I am not supposed to read it.) Anyway, against my better judgement, I read it. I figure it has to do with tampons, or itching, or chafing, or something I really don't need or want to know about, but it's like a car accident, you can't not look. Besides, I'm all about learning something new, so I continue.

Turns out, it has to do with the relative pH levels of the vagina. Goddammit, the things I learn while I'm eating boggle my mind.

For starters, I didn't know you had to check the pH levels in one of those things. I had no idea that it was such precision-tuned, high-maintenance apparatus.

I mean, a hot tub or a swimming pool, yeah -- I can see checking the pH levels there. If the pH is off in a hot tub, for instance, the steam from the water will burn your eyes and make you cough. That's bad, and it's a clear sign that you need to add some baking soda. That being said, I've never dated anyone who had a crotch that burned my eyes and made me cough, and I am extremely thankful for that.

[]


....the product description is chock full of information. In addition to eliminating odor for up to three days, this stuff apparently contains what they refer to as "a patented bioadhesive polymer."

Now, I can easily get behind the odor thing, since nobody wants a stanky crotch, but if I were a woman, that second one would concern me a little. There is no way I would buy something that makes it sound like I could quite possibly be pumping myself full of Liquid Nails construction adhesive.

Also in the fine print: "Keep out of eyes and ears." I have to say, that warning seemed a little odd to me, because that's not really the first place I would target with the old applicator if my vagina was burning holes in my underwear.

posted by Johnny Virgil at 9:11 PM

You think you have a lousy job?

One of the job titles I have tucked in my pocket is “content inspector.” A more flippant way to put it might be “porn checker.”

About four years ago, I worked for a large, nation-wide mail order photo processing lab. We were the second largest in the food chain of film processing at that time. Thousands of rolls of undeveloped film passed through our lab each week, and anyone in this business can tell you that these photos aren’t just handled by noisy machinery.

Aside from checking each set for color, tone and clarity ~ one of the lab’s functions was to red-flag anything that you wouldn’t pass around the dinner table at grandma’s house on Sunday.

Anything worthy of a red flag came to my desk for further inspection. I was the lab’s only porn inspector. ...

So why did we have to inspect naughty pictures? Because we were in the mail-order business and it’s a felony to pass pornographic materials through the U.S. Postal Service. The unprocessed film could come to us without breaking a law, but it could not be processed and returned. Understand that there were a million guidelines I had to follow in order to determine what could and couldn’t pass through.

[]
Sounds like a way cool job, eh? Not so cool at all when you consider the rest of the job. I’ll try to be as tactful as possible with this stomach churning topic.

Imagine this scenario. You come into work in the morning, sit at your desk, crank up the computer, sip your tea and open paper wallets filled with images of beastiality, battered children, child porn, or … on the lighter side though still not my favorite breakfast viewing material ~ vegetable sex. ...

The lab wasn’t a prudish outfit. They simply had to stay within the legal boundaries, or be put out of business. Tasteful nudity was fine. Touching or otherwise “interacting” was not. Brutality was never fine; animal or human (I’ve seen both types of photos). Photos revealing any type of underage sexual posing were never fine.

My job, after inspecting full roll content of any questionable shots, and determining that a law or ten may have been broken, was to call in the U.S. Postal Inspectors … (a.k.a. the Feds). Upon their arrival to our office, we’d sit in a conference room and fine-tooth the photos going over every detail of every background and foreground in each shot. Sometimes, I was wrong. I misjudged. But the general rule of thumb at our lab was “if in doubt, call.”

If the Federal Inspectors deemed the photos unlawful, they would carry through by sending undercover agents to the location of the sender; even to Alaska if need be. These agents would show up under the guise of “brown truck” delivery drivers, with photos in hand. (“Good morning Mr. Jackass, you’ve been busted.”)

I had never been summonsed to court, but my predecessor had been. She had to fly to Washington D.C. for a child molestation trial. She had to testify that we received the unprocessed films along with a check signed by the criminal.
....there were some completely hilarious photos of people in their 80s posing for one another in their birthday suits, complete with wine goblets in hand, or sporting Frederick’s of Hollywood style attire; comical pictures of women and men who had no business being naked alone in a dark room let alone proudly displaying themselves on picnic benches or at beach clubs; and of course, we had what my predecessor dubbed, “the vegetable of the month club.” I swear ~ I’m sure I haven’t but I could almost bet I’ve seen it all.

Internet dating gets critical scrutiny

Internet dating - is there any more exciting and modern way to strike out with women? Forget the old traditional getting coffee dumped in your lap, or standing forever at the movies waiting for her to show up and then going home and catching a glimpse of her at a restaurant with a different bloke. Now, thanks to the space-age wonders of the 21st century Internet, you too can be rejected by literally hundreds of women each month

Women don't like it either. In fact, who invented dating? It's the pits.

Don't argue, just sign the damn petition

Final instructions

The TV show “Family Plots” chronicles the inner workings of one of the busiest mortuaries in Southern California – Poway Bernardo, near San Diego. The staff is an intriguing assortment of relatives and other peculiar characters. The Head Mortician is perky Shonna. She brought the rest of her family into the business.

Her customers can’t vouch for her work, but Shonna’s cosmetic talents are sure to reserve a spot for her inside the pearly gates. As Head Mortician of Poway Bernardo, it’s said she spends no less than six hours on each client, using her morticious magic to turn them from dead to dazzling. During the process, she talks to herself, chain-smokes and conducts a normal conversation with whoever drops by.

Her younger sister Emily is Office Manager and Funeral Director in training. Their eldest sister, pretty Melissa, is Assistant Funeral Director. Melissa's ex-fiancé, Rick, runs the operation. Absent-minded old Chuck is the gal’s father. He’s a laid-back Funeral Assistant, body remover and amateur boxing trainer. All of them enjoy their work and joke about it all day. Then each evening, Chuck loads up all the out-of-town shipments and drives them to the airport for their flight home.

Watching this show, I’ve learned that the mortuary business is not much different from any other. They’re good days and bad days. Busy days and not so busy days. They’re rush pick-ups and rush deliveries, not to mention that all-important run to the airport.

It’s better than my eerie first impression, but it still bugs me.

I don’t want to have anyone comparing what I used to look like with what I look like now – naked and dead. I don’t wish to have my oil changed or be made to look pretty by someone singing rock songs and blowing smoke in my face.

I don’t wear a suit and tie while traveling anymore; I don’t intend to wear one on my final journey. I’m a little claustrophobic. So the idea of being wired, sewn or glued together, packaged, sealed and vacuum packed doesn’t appeal to me at all.

There is one bright spot in this picture:

There may still be hope for me. Listening to eulogies, I’ve notice that old sons-of-bitches like me never die. Everyone I’ve seen laid out down front was the perfect father, mother, sister, brother and friend.

Breaking news: Somebody doesn't hate us

On the 4th March 1942 the New Zealand government - having been left hanging in the breeze by Churchill - formally requested US assistance in the defence of New Zealand from the Japanese.

On the 10th March 1942 the orders were cut for a Marine Divison to be moved to New Zealand (Paekakariki).

The US did not attach any provisos to this substantial deployment. This move was of no strategic value to the US.

When the Japanese fleet moved to invade Port Morsbey the US Navy enaged in a battle (Coral Sea) they had every expectation of losing. As it was they were badly hurt but succeded in turning back the Japanese fleet.

This battle also did little to help the US strategic position but it did turn back the Japanese expasion at sea and provide protection to New Zealand and Australia.

After only six weeks training at Paekakariki (including the infamous march to Foxton and back) the Marines landed in Guadalcannal and engaged in some of the bloodiest fighting of the war facing and defeating a determined and confident enemy.

For many American Marines, sailors and soldiers New Zealand was the last friendly country. Many came here and never got home again.

A plaque on the Wellington forshore from the first Marine Divison comemorates their stay here and the battles they fought in the Pacific in defence of the region and the freedom of others. It incudes the words "If you need a friend you have one".

Posted by Murray

Life is a dunghill

Tinkerty tonk doesn't care for Ibsen:

Ibsen continues to resonate today, says Theodore Dalrymple, because of the universal egotism he promoted. A 1960s phenomenon that Ibsen advocated 80 years before the fact.

Dalrymple contrasts Ibsen's vision with that of Samuel Johnson:

Johnson saw human existence as inseparable from dissatisfaction. It is man’s nature to suffer from incompatible desires simultaneously—for example, wanting both security and excitement. When he has one, he longs for the other, so that contentment is rarely unalloyed and never lasting.

However, most people find it more comforting to believe in perfectibility than in imperfectibility—an example of what Dr. Johnson called the triumph of hope over experience. The notion of imperfectibility not only fans existential anxieties, but also—by precluding simple solutions to all human problems—places much tougher intellectual demands upon us than utopianism does. Not every question can be answered by reference to a few simple abstract principles that, if followed with sufficient rigor, will supposedly lead to perfection—which is why conservatism is so much more difficult to reduce to slogans than its much more abstract competitors.

I never cared for Ibsen: Too much gnashing of teeth and Scandanavian gloom for my taste.

I've always found these guys and their Scandinavian angst so over the top that you can't help laughing. For instance, I recently attended a performance of Strindberg's The Father which moved the audience from muffled snickers to outright hilarity. By the end, their were tears in all our eyes, and they weren't from the tragedy of it all.

I've always considered these writers members of the "Life is a Dunghill" school. One of the best examples of this in English literature is Jude the Obscure, by Thomas Hardy. Jude could not get into Oxford. This blighted his life. And on and on.

I felt like saying, "Jude, snap out of it! Move on! Get a job, for God's sake." But Jude insisted on being inconsolable and wallowed in his misery.

Oh, oh!

Why do they hate us? Well, why do we hate them?

CNN had a colloquium on Why They Hate us; mercifully it is not on their web site.


The wrong question is being asked. Why do we hate them? Because they blow up little children? Because they blow up pizzerias? No, because they are evil scum-sucking fiendish murderers! That's my reason, anyway.

100-year-old man celebrates silver anniversary

I got this from the free Jewish paper, the Jewish Standard (NO LINK)

Sidney and Ruth Lobonowitz will celebrate their silver anniversary this year, a milestone in in marriage, but especially remarkable considering that the groom was 75 years old when he made this second marriage.

Shoes without socks, ugh!

IT seems almost obscene, given the expanses of midriff, thigh and backside that too many people are all too willing to bare today, that the decision to show a little ankle with dress shoes should raise eyebrows. But almost obscene is just how it seems to many. (From the NyTimes, link defunct.)

My grandson used to wear his sneakers without socks until the entire family rose in rebellion. When he went withouot socks, we could smell it.

Closed shoes without socks make your feet gummy and sweaty. As the Manolo says: Pah!

So many magazines, so little idea why I kept them:

[I]f I see something interesting in a magazine, I'll fold the page so I can get back to it later. Do I ever get back to it? NO. I wind up investigating the folds when I’m ready to move and can’t bring myself to pack 3 boxes of magafuckingzines.

Which is why I’m currently surrounded by a metric assload of random publications, each with tiny folds marking pages containing...something. As an equal opportunity folder, I usually can’t even figure out why I folded the page in the first place. Meaning, I may have folded the page for any of the following reasons:

A.) I liked a cute silver jacket that I’ll be able to wear when I lose 900 pounds or revert to my original embryonic state.

B.) I couldn’t believe that Burberry made flowered bicycle shorts.

C.) I liked a CD review and wanted to hear it on Amazon before I ordered it from the library. (If I don’t check them out, they will suck ass and not sound anything like their description, and embarrass me in front of Mateo, whom I’m still desperately trying to trick into thinking I’m cool).

D.) I wanted to clip some smartypants article and send it to someone. Who? Beats me.

E.) I bought the magazine in the supermarket and decided I’d rather stare wistfully at the Crème de Mer bottle in the privacy of my own home, where I can weep and no one will see my mascara run.

__________________________________________
…

Bill Moyers, LBJ's partner in blackmail

[R]ead Lawrence H. Silberman's column in OpinionJournal:

Only a few weeks before the 1964 election, a powerful presidential assistant, Walter Jenkins, was arrested in a men's room in Washington. Evidently, the president [Lyndon Johnson] was concerned that Barry Goldwater would use that against him in the election. Another assistant, Bill Moyers, was tasked to direct Hoover to do an investigation of Goldwater's staff to find similar evidence of homosexual activity. Mr. Moyers' memo to the FBI was in one of the files.

Yes, that Bill Moyers.

Obscene items for sale

Outrageous!

A tribute to the Mother Country

Britain didn’t just give the world industrialisation, but the belief in economic and political liberty, in free markets and democracy, leading to the modern world’s unprecedented affluence and freedom. Adam Smith, John Locke and John Stuart Mill won the arguments, and Britain’s global influence spread them. Britain didn’t invent democracy, but matured it over centuries and ensured that it became dominant.



Britain’s greatest creations are the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, all stable, affluent, successful liberal democracies which have for more than a century been a magnet to the rest of the world. No other European country ever managed such an achievement. All stayed free of the tyrannies of fascism, communism and military dictatorship that benighted almost everywhere else. In the dark days of the second world war, Britain and its former colonies were just about the only democracies in existence; now democracy embraces much of humanity. Of the G8 countries, all but Russia (and arguably even she) owe their current status as free-market democracies to Britain and its former colonies. The English-speaking economies amount to more thBan a third of world GDP.

With just 1 per cent of the world’s population, Britain has united the world with a truly global language, allowing people to speak unto people for the first time in history (French was little more than a language for elites). These islands make up less than a fifth of 1 per cent of the world’s land area, and yet their capital dictates to the rest of the world its time zones and degrees of east and west.

I don't have an ounce of British blood in me, yet when I was in England, it felt like my own country (with worse food, however), and I claim its history as my own.
English history is part of my heritage as a citizen of a democracy. Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament, Hampton Court, the Tower of London--they belong to me.

I love France and Italy, but they are foreign. Britain is mine. Truly the Mother Country.

Bad hair day

.... Curly haired people simply cannot live in humid environments and keep any semblence of self respect. None. I am single handedly putting the children of the heirs to the Sebastian Hair Product line through college with my myriad assortment of anti-frizz formulas at this point. Think red-headed and very white Tina Turner. Early 80's frizz Cher (once again with red hair).

Anti-curl products only work under special circumstances: 72 degrees, no rain, no snow-but I keep buying them. The triumph of hope over experience.

Candy is dandy, but...

I've been dreaming up a riposte to this one

Isabel Button disses New Jersey, home of baked ziti and the cannoli:

In New Jersey, mosquitos have their own lobby...

FYI, Isabel, in New Jersey mosquitos vote. The mosquito-American vote is vital, almost as active as the defunct-American vote. It is a real inspiration to watch the dead rise from their graves, election after election. Followed by the mosquito-Americans, of course. Very moving.

The dress that needs to be loved or it kills you

New frontiers in dress design:

With Mollycoddle, Christine Liu wanted to explore the relationship that people have with their clothes.
Mollycoddle is a dress with a hunger for love and attention. Its wearer needs the dress for obvious (coverage) or nonobvious (personal) reasons, and in turn, the dress needs the wearer. Mollycoddle wants to be touched and caressed by the wearer on a semi-regular basis, but it can be happy being touched by other people, too....

If the dress doesnt get loved enough, it gets needier and starts squeezing the wearer, begging for a touch or two. It will send vibrations as well. First it's a little huggy-plead which gets more aggressive with time. If its begging is ignored the thing will squeeze you to, ostensibly, death.

Christine Liu explained that "the touch part works, the squeeze part is still ongoing. i would like to have a corset-like frame in there to do that, but for the current prototype i have some naggy pager motors in there for vibrations along the kidneys and a tie-around necklace with its ends connected to some motors for squeezes around the neck. i didnt want to kill anyone in the construction of this thing, so i'm treading carefully."

Introducing John Roberts

What an embarassing moment. Like Tom Sawyer, Roberts got to hear his eulogy. Unlike Tom, all eyes were on him and he looked distinctly uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the camera. The poor man didn't seem to know whether to look up or down.

The whole thing was hokey and slightly embarassing.

The Plame Blame Game explained, sort of

Yahoo news reports:

Matt Cooper called to give me a heads-up that he's got a welfare reform story coming," Rove wrote Hadley, who has since risen to the top job of national security adviser.

"When he finished his brief heads-up he immediately launched into Niger. Isn't this damaging? Hasn't the president been hurt? I didn't take the bait, but I said if I were him I wouldn't get Time far out in front on this."

Frederick Jones, a spokesman for Hadley, said Friday he could not comment due to the continuing criminal investigation. Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin, said his client answered all the questions prosecutors asked during three grand jury appearances. He said Rove never invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination or Bush's executive privilege guaranteeing confidential advice from aides.

Rove, Bush's closest adviser, told a grand jury the e-mail was consistent with his recollection that his intention in talking with Cooper wasn't to divulge Plame's identity but to caution the reporter against certain allegations Plame's husband was making, according to legal professionals familiar with Rove's testimony.
They spoke only on condition of anonymity because of the secrecy of the grand jury investigation.

Rove sent the e-mail shortly before leaving the White House early for a family vacation that weekend, already aware that Novak was planning an article about Plame and Wilson in his column, the legal sources said.

Rove also knew that then-CIA Director George Tenet was about to issue a dramatic statement that took responsibility for some bad Iraq intelligence but that also called into question some of Wilson's assertions, the sources said.

Republicans cheered the latest revelations Friday, saying they showed Rove wasn't trying to hurt Plame but instead was trying to informally warn reporters to be cautious about some of

Time to stop the Rove Resign Rant.

A lesson in natural history

Today, I learned about Frogs, and how they throw up. Oddly enough, this is one thing about frogs that I have never deeply pondered. You would think that 'How Frogs Puke' would have been right up there on my list, but no.

Apparently, most frogs can intentionally vomit up their entire stomachs, and then use their front legs to shove the offending matter out. Then they simply re-swallow their stomachs and continue on their merry way. No muss, no fuss.

Alternative history--the Crusades

Consider the situation in the West only 319 years ago. In 1683, the armies of the Ottoman Turks were laying siege to Vienna. Vienna, in the center of Europe, nearly fell to the Turks. It was Jan Sobieski and his Polish cavalry who helped to break the siege of Vienna and preserve the West.

Wow! That was close! What if Vienna had fallen to these fanatical Muslims. Maybe by the twentieth century they would have created a bigot like Al-Adolph bin Hitler, who would persecute Jews? Maybe put them in death camps? Nah, never happen.

There always has to be a scapegoat, but must it always be us?

This article is also posted onblogger news network.

In government, nothing succeeds like failure

Via red state rant:
James Lewis analyzes the Plame Blame Game:

Behind the scenes, the single most important reason for the Valerie Plame/Joe Wilson farce is that CIA Director Porter Goss has finally started to clean house at Langley. Goss's long-overdue shake-up is clearly backed by the White House, the top levels of the Pentagon and State Department, and the new National Director of Intelligence, John Negroponte.

Judging by Director Goss's remarks at his Senate confirmation hearings, those whose jobs are most in danger include the CIA "experts" in WMD proliferation – Valerie Plame's outfit – who completely failed to anticipate the Indian and Pakistani nukes, and just couldn't figure out what was going on with Iraqi WMDs. Valerie Plame's bosses are facing the axe for decades of failures.

In real life, these people would have been shown the door. Oh, wait--Bernie Ebbers? Didn't know what was going on at WorldCom? Hey, he got his munificent salary just for showing up--doing anything would have cost extra.

Comedy by Strindberg

I recently attended a performance at the Berkshire Theater Festival of The Father by Strindberg, very, very serious stuff. Swedish angst. Ingmar Bergman live, so to speak. Then why was the audience laughing so much?

A husband and wife hate each other--so far, so good. The main object of their power struggle is the education of their adolescent daughter. Is she to go to town or stay at home? Husband's monologue: all these women in the house are driving me crazy. Much tearing of hair and chewing of scenery, accompanied by stifled giggles from the audience, who are trying to behave. H complains that he keeps writing to his bookseller and ordering books but does not recieve them. Intercepts letter from bookseller announcing that wife has countermanded his orders. More dire pronouncements about women. More giggling, not so stifled this time, by audience.

Wife enters. Not much sympathy for her, as she looks and acts like Cruella deVil, or better yet, the evil stepmother in Snow White.

A spirit,(of what?) so far visible only through a scrim, brings a lantern and hangs it up, and puts a letter on the desk. Contents of letter never revealed, but wife sees it and dramatically tears it up, uttering hysterical cry. There's also a doddering old nurse with osteoporosis who intrudes now and then, dodders a bit, and wrings her hands.

In monologue, wife hatches plot to drive husband crazy. Plot works instantly. H throws lantern at her. He goes nuts, falls on floor, doctor announces he has had a stroke. Curtain falls, to roars from audience which has by now lost all inhibition.

These fun-loving Swedes!

It's well known that Strindberg went nuts a number of times. He also had three wives but could never get it right. Even in his most normal moments, I doubt he was much fun to be around.

Democrats talk caca!

Democrats try to win the war of ideas, with Paul Begala as the resident philosopher:

Begala... declared that Republicans had "done a p***-poor job of defending" the U.S.

Republicans, he said, "want to kill us."

"I was driving past the Pentagon when that plane hit" on Sept. 11, 2001. "I had friends on that plane; this is deadly serious to me," Begala said.

"They want to kill me and my children if they can. But if they just kill me and not my children, they want my children to be comforted -- that while they didn't protect me because they cut my taxes, my children won't have to pay any money on the money they inherit," Begala said. "That is bulls*** national defense, and we should say tha
t."

Naughty, naughty Democrats!

The toothbrush from hell

I finally bought myself a rechargeable Oral-B toothbrush. It came in a blister pack the size of a book. I've never seen an actual blister like that--it looked like a boil from hell on steroids.

I attempted to liberate the brush from the monster blister. They showed an illustration of a scissors on the package, so I didn't waste time trying to rip it apart with my bare hands. The packaging made short work of the scissors, which will never cut again. So I got a steak knife. No go. Okay, I'm smarter than the anti-Semitic (Braun is a German company) fiends who designed this thing. I went for my best Cutco knife, the one sold me for $60 by my neighbor's son to work his way through college.

After almost sacrificing a finger or two, I managed to cut it partway open so I could reach in and grab the toothbrush part. But the rest was in a cardboard box, deep inside. More sawing. I finally got the box and was attempting to mate the toothbrushing thingy with the charging thingy, when a bunch of screws fell out on my lap.

You have to assemble the damn thing yourself.

Whatever the blister pack is made of, they should use it to armor our troops in Iraq.

Woman tortured at Abu Graib

Will this outrage never stop?