What has happened to God? His job has been outsourced to India!

As one anonymous tipster so helpfully pointed out, with YHWH out of commission, who's been running things?

Some intrepid sleuthing on my behalf unearthed the unearthly truth: YHWH {Hebrew reference to God} has subcontracted out His national deity duties to India. Continuing a global trend, the divine services specified in the Abrahamic covenant have been outsourced to the firm of Ganesh, Shiva & Krishna.

According to an internal document I obtained, the quiet change was made possible due to a loophole in the phrasing of the covenant. In all the confusion resulting from the contradictions between between the doublet of Genesis 15 and 17, Abraham forgot to insist on a clause forbidding subcontracting. As a result of this oversight, the controversial change is compliant with the contract YHWH made to be our national deity. For quite some time now, the prayer lines have been staffed at Indian call centers. If you think your prayers weren't answered due to sin, you may be missing the real cause: many prayers went unanswered due to language issues and difficulty in understanding accents.[]

Reaction to the news has been mixed. Up above, archangel Michoel is agitating amongst the heavenly hosts to form a labor union. In a brief statement, he expressed frustration. "I've been busting my hooves for millennia and this is the loyalty I get?" he said. "Outsourcing has gone too far when it puts me out of a job."

Down on earth, the response has been mostly positive. The Reform leadership has announced that they are rewriting their liturgy in Hindi to more accurately reflect the changing times. Some people are worried that the long distance will require greater kavana. Rabbi Gavriel Carlin allayed those fears, saying, "I hadn't notice any difference in response. It's almost as if it doesn't matter to whom you pray."