Surviving Ikea
A guide for the modern man.
Monday, July 31, 2006
About those Maryland drivers...
They aren't the best drivers, even when driving while Christian:
The first observation is this, drivers from Maryland with bumper stickers on their car that read “Jesus said ‘Love your enemies.’ I don’t think that he meant to kill them” are neither good nor polite drivers. Okay… Perhaps this is a bit of hyperbole and your Maximum Leader using potentially faulty inductive reasoning to cast aspersions on all drivers from Maryland with insipid bumper stickers on their cars. On the other hand, if he were to conduct a scientific study of the phenomenon he believes his initial reasoning would stand.
Maryland drivers with insipid stickers on their cars, according to your Maximum Leader’s observations, tend to swerve erratically within their lane as well as change lanes suddenly and without signaling. They also seem to like to cut you off as you are getting into a left turn lane.
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Your Maximum Leader wonders how this Maryland driver would react to their home being katushka rocketed by their fundamentalist neighbors in Delaware. He suspects that the Maryland driver would turn the other cheek and fervently hope that their house was katushka-proof. In the end, your Maximum Leader doubts that the Maryland driver would last long against the fundamentalist Delawareans.
In any case, your Maximum Leader would prefer to stay close to the SUV-driving mom with the NRA Life Member window decal, the Marine Corps license plate, and the bumper sticker which read “Note to self: Pillage THEN Burn.” She’s a survivor.
We in Delaware are ready if these Marylanders start giving us a hard time. Just remember that, when the Delaware contingent showed up to fight the American Revolution, they were the most smartly turned out bunch George Washington had seen in the whole Continental Army.
They made a desert and they called it peace
From Daniel Pipes:
The current situation reminds me of a very famous statement by Tacitus, the Roman historian. In judging the Roman conquest and occupation of Britain, he said of the Romans, "They made a desert and called it peace." We see something similar to that in Lebanon. The Syrians have conquered Lebanon, and they have made a desert of it.
This was written in 1997. Not much has changed. Syria and Iran are still calling the shots. They are financing and supplying Hezbollah, and any peace agreement which does not disarm Hezbollah will make Lebanon, and perhaps eventually Israel, a desert.
In Latin: Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
Conservatives are hugging Michael Moore
Query: How do they get their arms around
him?
Is there a hug extender for people who have short arms? Perhaps it is sold over TV for three easy payments of $19.95?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I don't think this is that crazy...
Kids reading to dogs?
It's not the worst idea. It keeps the kids reading, keeps their reading skills sharp over the Summer, and doesn't hurt the dogs.
Plus, the dogs are uncritical listeners; their approval must be very supportive for the kids.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
The thought mill
is a blog which is new to me. Here's an interesting, thought-provoking post.
And she has me on her blogroll! A superior blogger indeed!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Oy vey!
Nasty German demonstrator. Ugh.
Lessons in self-righteousness from a German? Yeah, maybe in a thousand years.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Not your runof-the-mill library sex offender
You non-library folks probably think nothing exciting ever happens in a library. Well, it just so happens, we have our sexy moments too. Flashers, nudists, porn viewers, and so on. But this chap is special:
A 27-year-old woman reported to police that on July 11, she was in a study room at the Boardman branch of the Public Library of Youngstown and Mahoning County when a man, who police say was Colella, came in and closed the door.
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He told her that he was conducting a sociology project and that he had to kiss people's feet and record their reactions. The woman said she wasn't interested, but he kept insisting and she told police that she believed that he wasn't going to leave unless she agreed.
She relented and he briefly kissed the bottom of her foot, and then without warning he began sucking her toe, according to a police report. She then pulled her foot away and the man asked her reaction to which she replied she was freaked out....
She went home and later called the library where personnel told her to notify police.
DiMartino said that Colella is also a suspect in a similar incident in 2000.
In that case, a 17-year-old girl reported that she was reading in the library one afternoon when a man about 19 years old walked up to her and told her that she had pretty feet. He then lay down on the floor and began kissing and caressing them.
When he was done he asked if he could have her socks. The girl refused and the man asked if he could buy them. She refused again and he left.
I like the part about the socks. Nice touch.
Ht to right jokester.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The anti-obesity police are after you
Trying to legislate what you put in your stomach.
Via Rachel.
Why don't the powers that be issue a handbook for living, detailing just what we must do? It would be simpler.
They could have spot inspections of our homes and offices (Bloomberg is already doing it in New York City) to see if we are in possession of a pack of cigarettes or--God forbid--chocolate cake. They could issue tickets on a sliding scale: first offense, warning; second offense, hang a scarlet letter around your neck; third offense, re-education camp; fourth offense, life in prison on a diet of nothing but Cheerios and broccoli, and an apple every Christmas. (The Jews could have their apples on Rosh Hashanah, in respect for their cultural tradition. And maybe a matzoh ball for Passover.)
Did it ever occur to the powers that be to educate people and let them make their own decisions? This approach had some success with smokers. No-one was left in doubt about the hazards of smoking. Most people I know who used to smoke quit. Despite all the propaganda about how difficult it was to quit, how addictive smoking was, etc, etc., many people decided to give their lungs a break. I, personally, have all the will power of a jellyfish, but I quit, and am now holier than thou.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Quagmires we have known and loved
Colombia can have a quagmire all by its ownself.
I was talking to a guy at the airport the other day who told me the US is creating a quagmire in Colombia, as if the Colombians weren’t perfectly capable of organising their own quagmires. They’ve been having a quagmire ever since they got independence from Spain, and I resent the way these Americans try to claim the credit for everything.
Yankee Imperialism!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Bitching about the library patrons
is something we all do from time to time. Libraryosis has a good one.
Ah, but I could a tale unfold! And by God I'm going to do it. Mrs. Dempsey wasn't only an old lady, she was a SENIOR CITIZEN. She was born that way. She went right from mewling and puking to whining and bitching. She was also on a FIXED INCOME.
Back in the day, when we had VCRs, she borrowed some videos, one of which she returned damaged. It was actually off its spool. The clerk at the desk explained that she had to pay for the ruined video--I think it was $20. Mrs D replied that this vicious video had ruined her equipment, and she was in no way at fault! We should have paid her for the repair of her equipment! And anyway, she was a SENIOR CITIZEN.
She went on to ask why $20? We explained that that was the replacement cost. Mrs D didn't think she should have to pay for a brand new video, we had already gotten some use out of it, hadn't we? It wasn't new any more. And she was a SENIOR CITIZEN.
She went around and around on this with the clerk, who then called her supervisor, who told her the same thing. Her next interview was with lucky me, the head honcho. I explained it all again. As she was taking up a whole morning's worth of time of three library employees, who theoretically could have been doing something else, I asked her how much she thought was fair. She thought a dollar would do the trick. And there we agreed to disagree. Oh, yes, and before she left, she asked me if I could give her daughter a job.
A couple of weeks later, I got a call from the board president, who had also had a discussion with Mrs. D. Apparently he had persuaded her to pony up $10. She also asked him if we could give her daughter a job. His reply is not part of the record.
A day or two later, Mrs D came into my office. She opened up one of those change purses with a snap closure, and grudgingly doled out 10 singles, slowly, one at a time. This was supposed to make me feel bad, as she was a SENIOR CITIZEN and LIVING ON A FIXED INCOME.
I gave her a receipt and thanked her for bringing the matter to a successful conclusion. Then she asked me to give her daughter a job.
She wasn't the worst of the job-seekers, however. One man came to me and asked me to give his mother a job. There wasn't much she could do, he explained, as she spoke little English. I think he considered the library a high-class sort of day care for seniors.
Another family used to leave their brain-injured son in the library for hours. If he had just sat still we wouldn't have known him from our other nutcases, but he insisted in walking around the card catalog (which we still had then) over and over, gathering speed like a jet engine, and making much the same noise.
Then there was Mildred. She came in with her stuffed doll, which she seated next to her. We were okay with that. But when she started to call various staffers over to engage the doll in conversation, admire its wardrobe, and discuss its politics, something had to give. I ordered the entire staff not to speak to the doll. That put an end to it. Mildred was crazy, but she was not stupid.
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