Google searches

I'm always disappointed by google searches leading to my blog. They all seem to be about Natalee Holloway (I posted about her in August 2005).

Johnny Virgil is getting all the good ones. A sample:

Good size for a ho train platform -- Another tough one. My feeling is that you're going to need a pretty big platform if you're going to start up a working ho train. I would suggest something at least three times the normal platform size and comfortably soft, since people will most likely be lying down rather than standing up. I would also suggest something that is easily hosed off. I am leaning towards vinyl padding, but I'll let you know which way I go once the project comes together and I make my first cross country run. You'll be able to get pre-sale tickets and investment information at www.hotrain.com when I finally get it up.

JV is really good. I always enjoy his site.

Princeton gets largest gift ever

Newsmax reports:

Peter Lewis, chairman of auto insurer Progressive Corp. and a major backer of Democratic causes, has pledged $101 million to Princeton University - the largest single gift in the school's history.

When I read stuff like this my mind wanders to irrelevant topics, like:

Why do rich guys always donate some strange sum, like $87 billion and 35 cents? How do they calculate that? A jerk like me would give in multiples of ten. Like I would not donate $9.97 to my alma mater, I always spring for $10.

Why 101 million? Why not an even 100, or even 99 million? Is it because the previously largest gift was 100 million, and Lewis wants to top that? Or did his accountants decide that 101 million was the exact amount Lewis had to give in order to reduce his total tax liability to $387.21?

These are subtle matters, which require deep thought.

The sweetheart of Hamas

Mark Steyn describes a typical member of the Hamas government:
... I'd like to believe this was a vote for getting rid of corruption rather than getting rid of Jews. But that's hard to square with some of the newly elected legislators. For example,

Mariam Farahat, a mother of three, was elected in Gaza. She used to be a mother of six but three of her sons self-detonated on suicide missions against Israel. She's a household name to Palestinians, known as Um Nidal -- Mother of the Struggle -- and, at the rate she's getting through her kids, the Struggle's all she'll be Mother of. She's famous for a Hamas recruitment video in which she shows her 17-year-old son how to kill Israelis and then tells him not to come back. It's the Hamas version of 42nd Street: You're going out there a youngster but you've got to come back in small pieces.

It may be that she stood for parliament because she's got a yen to be junior transport minister or deputy secretary of fisheries.

Jewish mothers want grandchildren. Hamas mothers want martyrs.

Really special gifts

Need a gift idea?

I needed a few small gifts for some people I acknowledge, and I was panicking. What to do? The gifts had to be exotic (but cheap) and small (yet enchanting). They had to be exquisite, but economical. Voguish, but bargain basement. So I bought some fancy boxes from Fancy Boxes Et Cetera and I filled them with Raisinets. Then I printed out some gold decals that said:

“Here at Piffen Kruk, we start with the finest natural Pif from the ancient Krukken Flyyen forest of Jaffjkkok. We remove the Kruk Flut by hand and roast the Pif kernels to perfection. Then we swirl the freshly roasted Pif into a bed of sweet dark goat whey, creating the perfect blend of creamy, viscous Piffen Kruk that generations of Jaffjkkokers have grown to rather care for.”


So far, the response to my gifts has been outstanding, and in return I have received three job offers, two marriage proposals, and a black aluminum double-matted Successories print depicting a golf course at dawn. “EXCELLENCE IS NEVER AN ACCID-,” it declares. The rest of the quotation seems to have been scratched off or damaged in transit, but it’s the thought that counts.

NPR has great coming attractions

Yes, I've been listening to NPR in the car. The lack of a classical music station drove me to it. And NPR has some great programs. The only problem is that none of them are playing when I am actually listening to the station. A typical announcement:

Victor Davis Hansen and James Carville will debate whether the President is a scumbag. Don't forget to listen to this show, Saturday night at 12 am. The second coming of Jesus Christ, covered live on All Things Considered, at 6 am, should be interesting and provocative. Coming right up, after the news, how to cut your cat's toenails.

Old lady tells off insensitive jerk

From always right, an e-mail:
There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.

An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (twentyish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it!"


Let's hear if for grandmas! We are invincible!

What's the difference between Hamas and Fatah?

Nothing to get your panties in a bunch. They are both assemblies of thugs and murderers. Better to compare the fine points between Hitler and Goebbels. None of these differences should matter to us Jews.

Both have founding documents which call for the elimination of Israel. Clinton played a game of Let's Pretend with Arafat, trying to win a peaceful solution and a Nobel prize, and was completely snookered. Arafat made a monkey out of him. Hamas is the same old, same old with a religous twist.

One group want to kill Jews because they are pigs and dogs, and the other wants to kill us for Allah. The operative word is "kill."

We'd be just as dead either way.

Hillary's chances?

Voters don't seem to like Hillary.

But I wouldn't take too much solace from these polls, if I were an anti-Hillary person. It depends who she's running against. You can't beat somebody with nobody. Never underestimate the stupidity of Republicans. Bill Clinton might have been beaten for a second term if the Repubs hadn't put up Bob (it's my turn) Dole, Senate hack and Viagra shill.

H is a good campaigner, and better than most Demos on the war. I can envision a scenario where a vote for Hillary would be the wisest choice. There are some awfully dumb Republicans out there.

It's none too early to get ready to blog naked

Naked bloggers day is coming soon.

Well, to those of us who need time to get in shape, it's pretty soon.

How to get ready:

Start working out three times a week;

Walk the dog (or a houseplant, peferably a portable one) for 20 minutes five times a week.

Get a nice big towel to protect against drafts.

You have nothing to lose but your flab!

There's a hole in Al Gore's tin hat...

and transmissions from aliens are coming through, loud and clear:

Former U.S. vice-president Al Gore has accused the oil industry of financially backing the Tories and their "ultra-conservative leader" to protect its stake in Alberta's lucrative oilsands.

And we benighted Americans thought the Canadians were capable of running their own affairs. Just like the Palestinians.

Hat tip to Don Surber.

metamorphing

Last week I was a slithering reptile--all of a sudden I'm a flappy bird. This is an awful thing to endure. No-one understands that the process of metamorphosis is extremely upsetting to the system. It's hard on a worm to change shape--no less a human being. Pains in the chest, muscle spasms, and a slight feeling of nausea accompany these changes, and I don't know how long I can endure it. I have a delicate constitution.

Just a suggestion--how about making me a large mammal, and leaving me there?

Some poets whose names sound familiar--sort of

Maybe you've heard of them?

AS jobs program for Mexico

The Mexican government is distributing road maps for illegal immigrants.

Old age in literature

You can figure out an author's age by his descriptions of his characters:

Though over thirty, she still retained some remnants of beauty.

She was thirty-nine, but remarkably well-preserved.

A kind, grandfatherly old guy, around fifty, offered me a drink.

At forty-five, most of his life was behind him. Old age and the grave beckoned.

Let's all get together and buy this twit...

a one-way ticket to Cuba.

Let's be friends

Trouserquandreveals information on conciliatory overtures by the terrorists:

In a Video released to the Al-Jolsona TV network yesterday, Wheelie Bin-Liner, the self-proclaimed 'leader' of the so-called 'terrorist network' Al-kohliks directly addressed the American president, proclaiming 'You're my best mate, you are.' In a grainy, poor-quality video that often slipped in and out of focus, the Al-kohlik mastermind, further added 'Listen we both had a few, you know, some things were said, a few things got out of hand and a few things happened which we all regret now. So, how about it then?'

When finally coaxed out from under the Oval Office desk after receiving assurances that 'the naughty man had all gone away now', the US president said, 'Let him come and try, if he thinks he's hard enough', while the Secretary of State pulled him back by the arm saying, 'Leave it, G.W., he's not worth it!'

Ann Coulter posters?

Ann Coulter is the Maureen Dowd of the right--only uglier.

Positive thinking

Someone has sent my husband a subscription to a magazine called Positive Thinking (it came with a bill, so it is not a gift). The idea of my husband inhabiting the same universe as Positive Thinking is hilarious to anyone who knows him. You could say he has a Tragic View of Life. Lugubriousness is Him. If a light bulb burns out, he thinks it is the end of electricity as we know it. One drop of rain is enough to rain on his parade. List all the cliches about doom and gloom and woe is me, triple them, and you have his outlook on life. Life's a bitch and then you die more or less sums it up.

I, however, am willing to give Positive Thinking a shot, especially since it is sitting on the coffee table and I have nothing else to read. It is full of helpful hints and cheery advice. One particularly helpful hint:

...[W]alking your dog for 20 minutes five times a week helps you lose more weight than the leading diet plans.

Wow! Sounds good. I am always willing to utilize Positive Thinking to improve my daily life. Unfortunately, I don't have a dog.

Suppose I took a houseplant for a walk? Would that work?

More libraries

Of all the libraries in the world, The British Library is the best.

But I must admit, Trinity College, Dublin, has the Book of Kells, which is also kind of nice.

This just in...

Republican dentists have been inserting radio transmitters inot the teeth of prominent Democrats. If you don't believe me, click this link.