Thursday, March 20, 2008

Vice-presidents

Non-productivity has reached new heights at the University of Chicago Hospital, making it a respectable competitor with government, public schools, colleges and universities.

Officials at the University of Chicago Hospitals say a promotion and large pay increase given to Sen. Barack Obama's wife shortly after the Democrat was elected to Congress were well-deserved boosts for an executive who is "worth her weight in gold."

Hospitals spokesman John Easton told the Tribune that Michelle Obama's salary is in line with those of the 16 other vice presidents at the not-for-profit medical center.

I make out the cost of these officers to be in excess of five million dollars. And I suppose the president of the hospital makes more than they do. They all have secretaries and assistants, I imagine, which raises the administrative costs to, oh, ten million, conservatively.

Wow! You could buy a lot of bandages for that! What do you suppose these vice-presidents do? that makes them indispensable?

The actual work in a hospital is done by the doctors, nurses, and ancillary staff, like janitors, food service workers, etc. So I have been speculating about what duties are assigned to these 17 vice presidents.

Do they have a vice president of removing bubble gum from the sidewalk, or one chap who superintends the fellow who goes around the grounds with a stick, picking up litter? Someone has to make sure that the food served to the patients is tepid and tasteless. Somebody else has to dispose of all the flowers that are wilting, and yet another somebody has to make sure the revolving door in the lobby only goes in one direction. Someone undoubtedly has the job of going around to all the pay phones and picking up the change that has been left in them. Michelle O herself is VP of external affairs. Okay, that's seven I've accounted for.

I'm sure my readers can think up jobs for the other ten vice-presidents.

6 comments:

Duffy said...

Well, depending on the size and budget of the hospital the number of vice presidents is probably not overlarge.

Vice President is a corporate title but it's not like government. It means you're at a certain level of authority for budgetary and staffing reasons. There is likely a level of Executive Vice President above that and then the board comprised of CEO, CIO, COO etc.

miriam said...

Don't forget it's a non-profit and associated with a university--two of the most bloated institutions in the country.

dick stanley said...

Non-profit doesn't actually mean, you know, non-profit. Certainly not for managers. Words only have definite meaning when you're not talking about tax law. Or a politician's wife.

miriam said...

i believe somebody said that there are only two guys in an organization that matter--the guy who makes the donuts and the guy who sells the donuts. All the rest are window trimming. Michelle O is window trimming big time.
I bet she doesn't punch a time clock.

Duffy said...

What about the guy who fixes the donut making machine when it breaks?

miriam said...

Duffy: He's an outside contractor.