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The heat is back. My lawn has committed suicide. Trees are shriveling up and dying. My rose bushes, which bloomed beautifully in May and obstinately declined to flower in June, have a few tentative blooms. I guess they never got the memo that June is the month of roses.

All I want to do for the rest of my life is find a swimming pool somewhere and stand in it up to my neck, or maybe over my head from time to time.

Meanwhile, there are people in the nursing home wearing sweaters, jackets and, in one case, a wool hat, covered in blankets and sitting outdoors.

My house is beautifully air-conditioned and is going to stay that way. I plan, for the remaining years of my life, to be an energy hog and consume as much electricity, gas, coal, and bandwidth as possible. I will be enabled to do this by the sacrifice of all you good citizens who are installing solar panels and ceiling insulation, leaving more for me to squander. Thank you, good citizens!