Non-committal holiday cards

I'm all tuckered out from sending out a few Christmas--oops--holiday cards. First I had to go to the Post Office early because they run out of Christmas--I mean holiday--stamps rather early. I scored some stamps (utterly inoffensive religiously). I can't remember what they had on them, frankly, because I put them away safely, never to be found again.

I prepared myself by purchasing cards free of baby Jesus (of course), holly, mistletoe, picturesque churches in the snow, picturesque houses in the snow with wreaths on the door (see holly and mistletoe, above), angels with trumpets, and other undesirable Christian symbols. Also notably absent were menorahs, six-pointed stars, Israeli flags, dreidels, and kiddush cups. I'm not giving away the secret of what pictures were on these cards; do your own research.

Not having the Christmas non-denominational stamps at hand, I had to make do with Ella Fitzgerald which I was saving because I like her singing. Then I remembered that Ella was only worth 39 cents while postage had gone up to 41 cents. So each Ella was accompanied by a Liberty Bell, just to be safe.

I printed up labels, then had to make choices: should I send greetings to the next-door neighbors? My old next-door neighbors? What about the former colleague who I haven't seen in about five years, but who always sends me a card? And the good friend who never sends cards anymore because she says her life is too dull to write about?

I decided to send cards definitely to those who send pictures of their cute, winsome children every year. I keep these in an album entitled "Other People's Children." When the children reach the age of 22, I stop keeping them, no matter how winsome.

With all these decisions behind me, I put all the cards out for the mailman. Done for this year, thank (God of your denomination or any deity you think deserves thanks). If you are a Unitarian and/or don't believe in God, I thank Mother Earth.