Letter to an ex-bank

Dear Chase/Morgan/Bank of New York/National Community Bank:

It is time for the stalking to stop.

I am sorry that our relationship has to end this way. You have served me faithfully as a bank for a number of years, and I was hoping our parting would be conducted in a civilized way. Alas, that was not to happen.

When I moved to Delaware, I started courting another bank. After a decent interval, Wachovia and I consummated our relationship, and I didn't need you any more. I called the bank and told them I wanted to close my account. I was informed that I had to take all the money out, which I did. I thought. Unfortunately, there was 10 cents interest credited to my account which I had not known about.

You guys just wouldn't let go. Every month you sent me a statement showing 10 cents still in my account. I was hoping you would forget about me and go after other customers, but it hasn't happened.

The latest escalation in our troubling relationship occurred when you sent me a bank debit card for this account. I then called the bank, trying to end our affair once and for all--a clean break. But the lady who I spoke to told me I could not close the account over the phone. I had to write you a letter. She gave me the address.

Well, of course, I lost the address immediately, having jotted it down on an expired 20 percent off card from Macy's, which I discarded when I cleaned off my desk.

So my only recourse is to hope you read this on my blog and accept your dismissal with a good grace. Our relationship was rewarding, but it is time to Move On, as George Soros would say.