I no longer ask, "DO I look fat in this?"

Why? Because Mr Charm hasn't actually looked at me in oh, about 20 years. The last time he actually said something to indicate that he had noticed how I looked, or what I was wearing, etc., was an occasion when he told me he could see through my skirt as I was coming downstairs. If I ask him, "Do you like this skirt/dress/coat he always says, "Yeah yeah--very nice. Can we leave now?"

I can prove that he never looks at me. I went to have my eyebrows done Monday. The eyebrow lady asked me what was on my face, and showed me in the mirror--the left half of my face was covered in soot. She wiped it off, and proceeded to do what needed to be done.

On Tuesday, we went out to lunch. I had to go to the bathroom, and when I looked in the mirror I noticed that the left side of my face was black. Mr Charm had sat across the table from me for half an hour and never noticed.

On Wednesday, my face was black again. I had breakfast with him, said goodbye, and went to the gym, where several people asked me, "Why is your face black?" or "What happened to your face?"

It's comforting to know that if I came down with leprosy he would still think I looked great; he wouldn't notice that my nose had fallen off.

What is the black stuff? Am I coming down with a dread disease? No, I'm fine, but my phone is sick. The black finish of the receiver is coming off on my face every time I make a phone call.