Shocking news

Our troops want to go home!

The U.S. government is reeling from the alarming results of a Zogby Poll that could change the very course of the war in Iraq.

According to the poll, 72% of troops currently stationed in Iraq would like to leave in the next year. In other words, U.S. troops shockingly want to return to their families from a foreign land where they dine on sand-encrusted rations and are targeted for agonizing, slow death by suicidal Islamic fundamentalists.

“I’m speechless,” said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. “Are they sure about the results? Our troops want only one more year of death lurking around every corner? Just 12 months of picking up pieces of blown-up Iraqis? How can this be?”....

The poll results run counter to polls conducted during other wars in U.S. history. For instance, during World War I, 84% of US soldiers “found the maze-like trenches of France a fun place to frolic,” and 78% “enjoyed starting the day with an invigorating round of hand to hand combat.”

Similarly, during World War II, 87% of US Troops “felt jipped that they weren’t on the Bataan Death March,” and 94% were “curious about what a German POW camp would be like.”

Clearly, the US military has some issues to address going forward.

In related news, 94% of firemen said that they did not enjoy having their flesh burned, and 84% of moms said that childbirth was "a bit uncomfortable."