Monday, December 28, 2009

Potemkin flight security

Airline "security" doesn't work. Nor is it intended to. It isn't about security. It's a jobs program, and about pretending to do "something." The federal government is trying to hire every man, woman and hermaphrodite over the age of 18, who will then practice "security" on each other. This will make the economy work, the same as if everyone earned a living by taking in each others' laundry, only not as messy. And they all get a chance to be officious and come over all nannyish, which is lots of fun. Just ask Mayor Bloomberg.

I once flew to Italy and back with a box cutter in my purse. It was after September 11, 2001. My purse is full of odds and ends which I usually only clean out when I change purses.

I always carry a box cutter, because I can't open packages, for instance chewing gum, without one. I truly meant to get rid of it before coming to Rome, but I forgot, and only noticed I still had it when we arrived in Sorrento. Then I meant to put it in my suitcase for the trip home, but it totally slipped my mind. I believe this box cutter is made of such crummy metal that it doesn't set off the metal detector. I have a knife like that, which does not adhere to my magnetic knife rack. The box cutter, however, did contain a sharp razor blade.

However, in defense of Homeland Security, they did make me throw out a perfectly good tube of toothpaste once. I should have carried it in my crotch. No-one would have noticed.


paul mitchell said...

Miriam, never try to board a plane with a cigar torch. They will get very, very upset. But, that laptop battery that is the very staple for a good many IEDs, oh, that is perfectly fine.

Great post.

airforcewife said...

I flew two different times while 7+ months pregnant. Both times I got wanded.

And once, when my kids and I had already spent 7 hours at LAX (with my poor dog) trying to get a new flight after ours was cancelled, I got pulled aside for "additional scrutiny", as they call it.

Because a woman who travels with three children and a dog and shows her military ID to get plane tickets which were purchased using a credit card over six weeks in advance and round trip is OBVIOUSLY a threat to someone.

Meanwhile, one of the times I got wanded (when they did that "One more time at boarding!" run through), a dude managed to get through security with his Leatherman and then jovially handed it over, (look what I forgot to put in my bag!) and was waved on.

I think Potemkin Security is the PERFECT description, Miriam.

miriam said...

Thanks, Paul. Happy New Year.

miriam said...

Afw: I wish I felt better about this. It's no fun to think some fool may cut your life short because the government was determined to behave obtusely.

And happy new year to you, too, dear.