Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The most boring sport in the world


I am referring to volleyball. I never liked it. I don't like it in a gym or on the beach. I don't like it on the ocean. Or with green eggs and ham.

I've got a grudge against volleyball. When I was a kid, I was forced to play volleyball in gym class. Since I was extremely near-sighted, I never saw the ball coming at me until it hit me somewhere, usually in the stomach, but sometimes in other parts of my anatomy. Neither team wanted to have me on their side, for some reason.

I understand why gym teachers love it. All you need is a net and a ball. The students and the gym are already supplied by the management, so there you are. No lesson plan needed. Just line the kids up on either side of the net, go outside for a smoke, and the hour has safely passed. And after 25 years of this kind of stuff, you can collect a pension. With free health benefits.

But why would anyone want to watch it? Particularly in prelims, quarter finals, etc, etc, ad nauseam. Broadcast the finals if you must so we can see which country won, and let it go at that. They don't even have cute uniforms.

BTW, nobody needs to e-mail me the reason guys want to watch beach volleyball. I already figured it out. Still, beach volleyball! Why would people want to play stupid games on the beach, sweat a lot, and get sand in their bottoms, when they could sit quietly under an umbrella reading a book, with an occasional dip in the ocean? I guess some of us are incapable of sitting still and are never happy unless engaged in some organized activity.

Do any of my readers have another candidate for the most boring sport in the world? I can be open-minded about this sort of thing, so send me your suggestions.

12 comments:

dick stanley said...

Target shooting has to be the most boring to watch. But volleyball is a close second. Besides being a child's game, it's obvious how you win, i.e. spiking the ball, and watching it done again and again is sleep-inducing. Of course the female beach version is not boring because of the skimpy bottom garments. But that hardly qualifies the "sport" as anything but voyeurism, since the garments themselves are not awarded the prize, though they should be.

miriam said...

I've discovered a sport more boring than volleyball--water polo!

Kathy said...

I have never agrred with forcing someone to do something of no interest to them - no wonder we have those that rebel in todays society

Duffy said...

The answer, of course, is curling. Seriously this is shuffleboard on ice. Olympic shuffleboard.

miriam said...

How about cricket? I've never been able to figure out what it is about, so maybe it's only boring to outsiders.

But at least they don't have Olympic cricket.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

No really, people. What about golf, baseball, billiards? Come on...

dick stanley said...

Baseball? You cretin. It is a veritable ballet of athleticism. I suppose you would contend that soccer is exciting?

Sailing, I hear tell, is like watching paint dry. All but the America's Cup races off Australian years ago in six-foot waves, with cameras on board the boats. That was thrilling. But not usually, I admit.

I still say they should give the gold to the smallest, least stable bikini bottoms on the beach volleyballers. That is excitement.

miriam said...

Dick: I see you understand the most important feature of beach volleyball. But how would they determine who won the men's volleyball competition?

Jack said...

I enjoy playing volleyball and water polo. It makes it more interesting to watch because I understand how the athletes do things that I can't quite do.

Mike Harris said...

Hi,

I wandered here somehow, looking for information to back my assertion that baseball is the most boring sport.

I have friends who are rabid fans, of course. The worst of them meticulously track each players' statistics, sitting in the stands with a notebook recording each run, hit or error as it occurs.

They insist that it's impossible to fully appreciate the game unless one is familiar with these minutiae.

I say nuts to that. If your sport is actually improved by accounting, it's officially the most boring.

Anonymous said...

Woah there. First off, gym class volleyball is not volleyball. It's a group of students shoved out on the court against their own will and forced to hit a ball around (and they're usually illegal hits, because it isn't properly taught).

But you cannot say that high school volleyball or volleyball at a collegiate level can be boring...it is an exposition of some of the best athletes around. These men and women have insane vertical, can pound a ball down anywhere on the court, and then get down to make a perfect pass.

I'm assuming you just don't appreciate the crazy amount of work that's put into the game. It has never been easy, and it will never be easy.

Volleyball is so fast paced, so aggressive and so strategic that I simply don't understand how you can classify it as boring.

Now golf, that's a boring sport. But volleyball most definitely is not.

miriam said...

Anon: Thanks for the enlightening comment. I never knew that stuff.