Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The gospel according to Garrison Keillor

Via James Lileks, here are some really bad, nasty despicable people, according to Keillor:

“hairy-backed swamp developers, corporate shills, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, hobby cops, misanthropic frat boys, lizardskin cigar monkeys, jerktown romeos, ninja dittoheads.” In 1994 he called them “dim figures emerged from the mist; lo and behold, the same old gang of frat boys, geezers in golf pants, cheese merchants, cat stranglers, corporate shills, Bible beaters, swamp developers."


I believe he's talking about, you know, Republicans. Lileks offers his own variation:

"Fat shapes emerged from the fog; hail and fare-thee-well, the same ancient mob of sorority sisters, Masons of the moment, backwater frog-heads, spumoni disciples, swamp-cheese franchise experts, Cartesians in LaCrosse socks, ferret-ticklers, and Rosicrutian tract-whappers.”


This can be kind of fun. Here's my contribution:

Pot-bellied salesmen, lawyers in tasseled loafers, dog groomers, librarians in sensible shoes, bus-driving bigots, pasta-eaters, Limbaugh listeners, ugly hairdressers, SUV drivers, flag-wavers, overweight Presbyterians....


Oh, goodness, I could go on forever, but it's unfair to hog the limelight. I'm sure my readers would like a try at creating this pretentious but meaningless crap. I invite you to do so.

Rachel
responds to the challenge:

Prius drivers reeking of sanctimony, community college professors, slow food cultists, Unitarians, expatriates wearing Obama buttons, Earth Firsters, celebrity friends of Fidel, granola-chomping birkenstock wearers, feminazis for the burqa, PBS contributors, poetasters for peace ..


Well done!

Also, from Snoopy:

Shimmering in a beer-induced haze of intoxication: defrocked cable technicians, pimply-faced connoisseurs of fried Mars bars, emasculated yachtsmen, unwashed solipsists, tweed-clad and horny Eng. Lit. professors, earnest aluminum siding salesmen, card-carrying PETA ghosts, undernourished Lambada dancers, eager but shy Norwegian bachelor farmers and, of course, sensibly shod librarians.

4 comments:

Venomous Kate said...

Wait a second, I love my tassled loafers!

airforcewife said...

I'm sorry, I just can't channel that much arrogance.

Let me go watch an Obama commercial and then try again.

dick stanley said...

Elitism? Who me? No thanks. P.S. Keillor is one of the real creeps of the world, once you get past his trademark folksy humor into his holier-than-thou personality

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Thanks for the inclusion, much honored.

Now I can tell the truth - I purely love PHC. I know Dick will have to find me and shoot me now that I have said it...

Of course, GK is a bit creepy, but it's a part of his charm ;-)