Thursday, May 17, 2007

Best tail

There's a woman who goes to my gym regularly. She has a remarkably youthful figure which does not go with her unremarkable middle-aged face. I would place her age as somewhere between 55 and death. Her workout garb calls to mind the hookers plying their trade at the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. She wears skimpy little outfits which show a lot of skin. Her blonde hair is worn in two pigtails, a la Shirley Temple as Heidi. You might call her mutton dressed as lamb.

I don't quite know how to think about this woman. On the one hand, she deserves admiration for the hard work she has done to preserve a youthful figure. On the other hand, she looks, well, stupid. However, she is a heartbreaker among the geriatric set. Some of the older men consider her quite irresistible and vie for her favors. I have heard of fights breaking out in the parking lot over her, proving, if any proof were needed, that there is no fool like an old fool.

The younger men think she is repulsive, which is unkind of them, and think she should be forced to wear more clothes. Some of them feel quite offended by her. I think they would not be so riled if she dressed her age.

Of course, she wears the shortest of shorts. One of these pairs of shorts has emblazoned across the seat, "Best tail."


Anonymous said...

There is certainly something to be said for aging gracefully. There are certainly all manner and types of outfits out there that will show off her figure, and which would not only seem more elegant, but might actually look "hotter" than skimpy shorts.

I suspect she's focused only on one very narrow definition of "sexy," to her own detriment.

Steve B

miriam said...

It's a little pathetic, somehow.

airforcewife said...

You see the same thing in aging gigalos, too. Like my Pop. Pop always liked the ladies and he was an accomplished flirt.

Then he entered his late 80s and he wasn't so good at flirting any more. His timing was off, he lost a bit of his understanding as to what was socially acceptable, and it became kind of creepy; except that it was Pop and we found it hilariously funny.

The last incident I heard of (Pop is now 94) was when my cousbian took him to the bank so he could withdraw money and some thirtysomething in a tight suit bottom saw him going SLOWLY through the door with his walker and arrested her own flight out of the bank to hold the door for him.

My Pop looked at her (he had food in his beard), winked, and said, "Oh darn, I was kind of hoping to watch you sashay through."

The woman had no idea how to react. And to add to it all, Pop's zipper was down.

When someone is 94, though, lecherousness is kind of funny. Or maybe I'm just a sick person.