Dear amazon.com

I really hate it when a relationship that seemed to have so much going for it ends, don't you? Where did we go wrong? I'm real sorry to lose you as a friend, but since you don't respond to my voice mails or e-mails, I suspect our relationship is over.

The first rift in the lute occurred when you started sending two of everything we ordered in December, one item from yourselves and another from one of your "associates." Thus we got two scanners and two CD changers in short order. The ones that came from the real deal Amazon were possible, if difficult, to return, but the ones from your associates were not! At least to the two college graduates who live in this house.

One of the scanners (the one I liked least) could not be returned, so I kept it, even though I don't like it. To make matters worse, you took two payments for one scanner and one for the other from my husband's bank account via his debit card. Now we ordered one, received two, and were billed for three. Unfortunately, we don't want any of them.

The CD changer? We got two (of course), neither one of which was usable with my husband's other equipment. So we sent back one (which I will refer to as the Amazon model) and then got permission--we thought, to return the other (associate model). We duly schlepped them to the UPS office and left them there. Imagine our surprise when we came home one day and found one of these #$^^*!!! CD changers left on our doorstep by the UPS guy. Apparently the method which we used to send it back was not pleasing to your associate. Nobody told us that the associates could set their own standards for returning items. Silly us, we thought you guys would stand back of your products.

I really enjoyed our relationship. I loved to order stuff over the computer, wearing my pajamas, or worse. I liked ordering books, other gismos, and especially toys, which allowed me to skip a trip to the accursed ToysRUs store. Fortunately, we have made an astounding discovery! Amazon.com is not the only on-line source for these items! Other companies offer merchandise online! Who'd a thunkit? Barnes & Noble springs to mind, also Abebooks.

So, although I will have many good memories and regrets for what might have been, trop est trop, as the French say, meaning enough is more than adequate.

Meanwhile, please be advised that we don't want to pay for any of these CD changers.

A fond farewell,
The family Charm