It's the thought that counts

Christmas is the prime season for useless or ugly gifts.

Someone sent us an Object all the way from England. It was a ceramic figure, about 6 inches high, obviously chosen for its esthetic value, as it had no discernible purpose. It would have been the perfect gift for the P G Wodehouse heroine who thought the stars were God's daisy chain.

You wouldn't think you could get that much ugly into an object only 6 inches high. It was a statuette of a stump. At the foot of the stump were some contorted mushrooms. There were also bunnies, and perhaps a bird. Some flowers. Vines twined around the stump. It was a puky pink in the places where it wasn't white, grey or beige, and made of English bone china. I would post its picture, but somewhere in the move to Delaware it got lost.

Our children's librarian was given a dickey with pictures of those little flags--you know the ones ships signal with, made of the finest polyester. I thought it was a real contender for the ugliest, most useless gift I've ever seen.

One of my friends, a teacher, told me about a room in the school where she taught-- a small room, not really used for anything. It was there that the teachers put the gifts that were too awful to take home or even look at. Some time in April or May, after the shock had worn off, the janitor cleared the room.

Another friend, who had just gotten married, had his car broken into, and all the wedding gifts stolen. He was immensely grateful. It was a twofer. Not only would he and his wife not have to look at these objects, but they didn't have to display them when the donors came to visit.

And what's with those teeny-weeny jars of jelly? Has anyone ever eaten any of them? Has anyone ever been grateful for a fondue pot?

How about you? What are the most useless, ugliest gifts you've ever received?