Fly in Residence testifies before Congress

The Fly in Residence at the Charm household recently testified before the Senate Moonbattery Committee, chaired by Lincoln Chaffee (R-Rhode Island), co-chaired by Barbara Boxer (D-California). The Committee was formed to explore the possibility of impeaching President Bush, who as you know stole the 2004 election.

The fly, whose name must be kept secret unless the New York Times has a slow news day, made a statement, which follows:

I can no longer keep silent when the welfare of the nation is being endangered. The Fly in Residence Program must have its budget restored. This program is vital to children and working families, not to say minorities.

The FIR building, in Alexandria, VA, needs $380,210.17 for vital repairs immediately if the health of the 300 dedicated employees who work there is not to be endangered, not to mention the flies in the field.

The program is badly underfunded. I, myself, have been working 18 hours a day at the Charm household, but am totally unable to provide service to both Charm individuals at the same time. If I pester one of them, the other is enabled to finish his/her Cheerios in peace. One fly can do only so much. I have requested an assistant to serve Mrs. C, while I dodge Mr C's flyswatter. This will allow both of these citizens to have his/her dedicated fly. We can do no less for the citizens of this great country.

But there are graver issues. The lack of suitably trained bi-lingual flies is setting back recovery efforts in New Orleans and along the Gulf Coast. We must do more to ensure the safety of these people, many of whom are poor, minorities, and single mothers--or all three at once.

More flies are desperately needed at the Mexican border to serve the undocumented-American community desperate to gain entry to our country and take low-paying jobs that Americans won't take. Here too, bi-lingual flies are not a luxury but a necessity.

The funds which were diverted from our program are now being channeled to Halliburton by the office of Dick Cheney.

After this fervent testimony, not an eye was dry in the Senate chamber.