Learning Hebrew--not

I want to take Hebrew lessons--is that so difficult? In a word, yes.

I have been to two synagogues in this neck of the woods. The first one had Hebrew lessons, but stopped. I went to the second one. I was asked if I wanted an adult bat mitzvah--if I did, Hebrew lessons were included. I have no desire for an adult bat mitzvah, sorry. I don't see the point. I already know I'm Jewish. So does everyone else.

In New Jersey, something called the National Jewish Outreach Program (run by Chabad) gave Hebrew lessons for free. Our teacher, Jerry, was a wonderful man, but some people in the class asked too many questions of the How many beans make five variety, and Jerry made the mistake of answering them. We didn't even finish learning the alphabet, and lo, the class was over. It was a good class, with a good textbook.

As a child I learned Hebrew--not well enough. I believe I have what is technically known as a goyishe kop. I learned Yiddish because my grandmother spoke Yiddish to me. I wouldn't mind attending a Yiddish discussion group, or a French discussion group, but I really want to learn more Hebrew.

I can't do it myself. I need a class to keep me up to snuff.