Saturday, April 08, 2006

Rotten employees: the sequel

I can't imagine I left good old Ethel off my list of really rotten employees--she was a doozy. She wanted me to give her the job of children's librarian even though 1) she wasn't a librarian, and 2)she didn't like children. Except for these minor cavils, she was superbly qualified.

Ethel once ran out of the building to apprehend a kid who had not paid a 10 cent fine--and that was her finest hour. Did I mention that she couldn't do anything? The simplest task was beyond her powers. Not only that--she did something egregiously wrong every day--like being nasty to patrons. I was continually having to do damage control.

Fortunately, she quit in a snit one day. She got her revenge by telling everyone in the community that I was getting rid of all the Christian books and replacing them with Jewish books.

Then there was Doris, who couldn't do much either, but was more pleasant, really a poor soul. Clueless. I had to tell her that it was inappropriate to bring a flask to work and take a little nip now and then, even if she was working in the back room where no-one could see her. Doris' hobby was picking up guys at the Port Authority bus terminal in New York. She was hired as part of a federal jobs program and placed in the library because no-one else in the town government wanted her. She also wanted to be the children's librarian and had the same qualifications as Ethel.

I had to inform Doris that the funds for her pay had been used up and we could no longer afford her services. She pitched such a fit in my office that I could have used a nip from that flask.

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