Why am I not invited to write a book?

Why I’m Like This by Cynthia Kaplan

In the Acknowledgements we're told that Cynthia wants to thank Michael Murphy and Doris Cooper for inviting Cynthia to write this book. This is the second time in a week that I've heard of someone being invited to write a book. Gary Benchley, an unpaid contributor to the Morning News was also recently invited to write a book. Offering invitations to publish must be a mid-decade trend in the industry. And it puts me in two minds, which are:

1. Publishers must be really flush and wildly desperate to spend money if they are lobbing $3000 wads of cash to the likes of Gary and Cynthia, begging them to write books.

2. I’m way better than Cynthia (and Gary has already told his whole story on-line) so – YAY! I’m sure to be published instantly in this environment!

Seriously folks – most of the bloggers that I regularly read are far better writers than Cynthia. There are maybe three essays in her manic collection of grasshoppers playing glokenspiels in hell that are truly well-crafted and moving. The rest are spastically hammering tambourines and marimbas and leaping on sofas shouting, “I’m funny! I’m funny! I’m really, really funny!!!” and then doing handstands until their grasshopper panties show.

It says right on the cover that USA Today thought the book was hilarious and that Cynthia is the female David Sedaris. Note to self: Never buy a book USA Today hypes.