Help! I need to get out of the 21st Century!

The best case scenario for calling a business: call the phone number provided and press a number and a disembodied voice will instruct you to leave your phone number. Sometimes they call you back. Don't bet on it. Doctors in thia part of Maryland are like Indian tribes in colonial times. They are united in hatred of you. They also hate each other. They are required to maintain something called a patient portal. The only thing in the patient portal is the information related to that practice. So each of your doctors has a patient portal relating only to you. Useless, but impressive. I am in urgent need of youth serum. I look so old and spooky that old ladies try to help me cross the street. I let them. Two people born the same year I was born have died this week. Am I next? Should I be? Have I reached my sell-by date? The Maryland Motor Vehicle Department refuses to issue a driver's license for me. Why? They wont tell you. I am depressed. Also anxious.

my school days were unimaginative

 Teachers in those dreary days spent their time trying to inculcate math, history, and grammar into our minds.  No time was spent worrying about our sexual identity.  Student government had we none.  And we didn't miss it!

We were trying to learn how to diagram sentences. And other boring stuff, like algebra.  But when we were allowed to graduate we knew George Washington from Abraham Lincoln and could remember the dates of the Civil War.  Furthermore, we loved our country and were proud to be Americans.  Today, not so much.

When do students have time to do their homework nowadays?